Nobody's Perfect
By Mary Ellen Flannery
Mary Modder was student teaching in Silver Lake, Wisconsin,w hen the school nurses came to deliver “the talk” with her 8th-graders. She recalls that the principal said students might have questions afterward and teachers should be open and honest in their responses. So when one girl asked about contractions, Modder tried her best. She told all about her son’s birth and the necessary role of contractions.
That child listened politely and then asked again, more specifically, about the uses of isn’t, wasn’t, can’t, don’t, etc., for her language arts assignment. Modder’s mistake? Assuming too much.
Everybody makes mistakes – and not all are so funny! But you can avoid the worst and learn from the missteps you’ll inevitably make anyway. With that in mind, check out our list of five of the most common mistakes and your colleagues’ advice for steering clear of them.
1. Taking it too personally
Some sweetheart in the back row tells you that you’re the worst teacher he’s had in his life. Your class is BOH-ring! Like totally irrelevant. And, half the time your assignments don’t even make sense, at all.
Now, maybe you’re a tough guy and you think, kid.you’re really pushing your luck today. Or maybe you’re a Mr. Softee and you just think, “I will not cry! I will not cry!” Either way, you can’t take the irritating things that students (or parents) say and do personally.
“With experience, you realize that taking things personally is a mistake, because not only are those things not meant to be taken personally, it will just wear you down too much if you do,” says Illinois teacher Jackie Quitter.
Consider that a student might have a legitimate beef – even if it has been offered offensively — and you may learn from it. In her “Ask the Expert,” discussion board, NEA Today’s discipline expert Kate Ortiz suggests speaking directly, privately, to that student who shouts, “I am so bored!” Say you’re interested in becoming the best teacher you can be and would like to hear his suggestions. In similar situations, Ortiz also has told students that they’re not required to “like” her class. But disruption won’t be tolerated, and they are required to do their work.
Also consider that a student’s comments or actions may reflect his problems, not yours. When a kid says he’s bored, for example, Ortiz notes that it may be because he’s actually not capable of doing the work. Sometimes students make comments because “they are hurting – not to attack you,” says Heidi Sagendorph Coffey, an alternative education teacher in New York.
Same goes for parents. “You can be the best teacher ever.and you will still have parents who complain about you. A lot of times they’re having their own issues with life or the child,” says California teacher Valerie Barnes Doyel.
2. The Superhero complex
First there are the lesson plans – you need to write them. (Life’s mystery: why does it take 45 minutes to write a 30-minute lesson?) Then, there are the student papers – you need to read them, grade them. Parents must be called. Paperwork must be filled out. And then there’s the small matter of the upcoming benchmarks. So, when your a.p. says, “We think you’d make a wonderful debate coach next semester and, oh, we’ve also got a slot for you on the school’s technology committee – and, hey, let’s just sign you up to chaperone prom, okay?”
You do not say, “Hooray!”
You say, “How nice of you to think of me! But I really can’t right now.”
The truth is: You actually can’t do everything – and do it well.
“Don’t try to do it all,” warns Washington teacher Martha Patterson. “It is okay to say no to chaperoning dances and organizing fundraisers. Remember you’ve been hired to teach.”
And forget that backpack that you’ve stuffed with papers to bring home each night. Teachers deserve personal lives too. For Patterson, it works better to get to school early or often stay late, but she leaves work at work. She also reminds her colleagues to make time for themselves – “exercise, read for fun, do a craft, hang out with friends.” Otherwise, you’re taking the straight road to resentment and burnout, she warns.
3. The “I’m not political” syndrome
So you think political advocacy is irrelevant to your teaching life. No, no, no, that’s a big mistake!
Look around your classroom – the number of students, the SmartBoard in the corner, the day’s test-prep lesson on the board, and even the ratio of wall posters to undecorated space – it’s all dictated by law. How much are you paid? Did you or a colleague get a pink slip last year?
And you still think politics is irrelevant?
Monica Mixon, an education support professional (ESP) in Pennsylvania, wasn’t always a political animal, she admits. She voted because her grandmother told her to. But in 2008, when her colleagues encouraged her to participate in a phone bank, she did – and she caught the bug. Now she enthusiastically calls her colleagues to encourage them to vote for pro-public education candidates and she meets with her state legislators in the hopes of informing their votes.
For her, it’s a matter of protecting her job and her colleagues’ jobs. “I’m an ESP – and you know ESPs are always the first to get cut,” says Mixon, a classroom aide in Montgomery County.
With technology, it’s easier than ever. Check out educationvotes.nea.org for its direct links to Congressional inboxes!
4. Getting stuck in a rut
After a few years on the job, you might start looking at your 401K or 403B statements with a wistful eye. It’s hard to imagine staying on the job for another 5, 10, 25 years. It’s hard work, isn’t it? Exhausting, even. But it’s a mistake to think that a lack of enthusiasm is inevitable. Many of your colleagues know the secrets to staying excited about education – and they’re willing to share.
Here’s one: Be a learner!
“I take new classes as often as I can, so that I do not lose sight of the humility required to learn something new,” says South Carolina special educator Ann Nichols. “Allow yourself the pleasure of continuing to learn.”
“Every year, I’m surrounded by a new group of unique human beings, whom I respect,” says Mississippi high school English teacher Renee Moore, “Every year they help me learn something new about my subject, about how to teach, and about myself.”
Many experienced teachers keep fresh by going for National Board Certification, a challenging process that will keep your brain cells firing.
5. Sweating the small stuff
In case you didn’t catch it earlier, allow us to say it again: Everybody makes mistakes. Expecting that someday you’ll get everything just right might be the biggest mistake of all!
Listen to your own advice, suggests Dianne Cox, a middle school teacher in Kansas for 22 years. You probably have told your students, repeatedly, as Cox does, that you actually expect them to make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process. (When they understand that message, you’ll find they raise their hands much more often in class, Cox predicts.)
“I tell my students we’re all human. If we didn’t make mistakes, we would be aliens,” Cox says – and the same goes for you. Relax, take a deep breath, and learn from your mistakes.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Lost Custody
Divorce is difficult for both parties involved. I believe there are both great fathers and mothers. I like how this article presents the changing times and the problems with the court systems in regards to child custody; and how to better prepare for a custody hearing.
Working Mother magazine December/January 2010
By: Sally Abrahms
Are more women facing the impossible choice between keeping a career that pays the bills and living with their children? When it comes to heartbreaking custody wars, people inside and outside the courts say that the growing number of stay-at-home dads and breadwinner moms means more working mothers are fighting an unprecedented uphill battle.
Getting ready for court that raw, overcast Monday morning two years ago, Julie Michaud dressed carefully. She chose a warm pink sweater and tailored black skirt, before slipping on her good luck charm, a necklace engraved with her kids’ names. She helped Daniel, 7, and Sophia, 5, get dressed, packed their school snacks and kissed them goodbye. An hour later, the petite brunette walked into a family probate courtroom.
A judge was deciding whether Julie, then 40, the owner of a beauty business in Boston, would get what she’d requested: joint custody of her children. Her husband, Mark, who’d been unemployed for five years, sought primary custody—a shock to Julie. Still, she was feeling confident. She’d worked hard to support her kids and was deeply devoted to them. Her lawyer assured her there was nothing to worry about, and Julie believed her case was strong.
As she surveyed the crowded courtroom, Julie fought to remain steady against a sudden riptide of emotion: The heartbreak of a ten-year marriage in shambles. The fear of not being the one to tuck her kids into bed each night. The anger at her husband for failing to help support them. “I couldn’t work any harder,” Julie says. “I begged him to get a job.” In court papers, Mark, a graphic artist by training, said he had agreed to stay home with the kids so Julie could build her business.
It took hours for the case to be called. Then a female judge flipped through the stacks of paperwork and announced, “There are so many motions here, it would take three hours to get through them all. I’ll give each lawyer three minutes.” Julie was stunned. “I’ll never forget it,” she remembers. “Three minutes!”
Mark’s lawyer argued that because Mark had not worked since their youngest child was 1, his “marketable skills have decreased,” limiting his opportunities to find work.
Julie’s successful career was portrayed as so demanding that she neglected the children. But she felt some relief when the judge admonished Mark for pulling Sophia out of her arms when she’d gone to console their sobbing daughter about their upcoming divorce. “You won’t do that again,” the judge warned. At that moment, Julie felt the case sway in her favor.
Julie was at work two days later when she saw her lawyer’s number flash on the caller ID. This is it, she thought as she picked up the phone. “I have very bad news,” her lawyer began. Julie felt the blood leave her body. “The judge gave Mark temporary primary custody. You get Wednesdays, Fridays and every other Saturday.”
There was more: Julie had to pay $850 a week in child support and $450 a week in spousal support. She stopped listening. All she could think was I’m being punished for supporting my kids, while there’s this guy who refused to work.
Custody cases like Julie’s are increasingly being played out in family courtrooms across the country. A shift in the courts’ focus, a limping economy and dramatic male/female role reversals in many nuclear families are leading to nontraditional outcomes. Not long ago, men usually paid the child support and doled out the alimony. Moms (working or not) almost always got the kids in messy divorce wars. Years of changing diapers, wiping noses and kissing boo-boos gave them the edge. But now the tide is turning.
The “tender years doctrine,” a court presumption that mothers are the more suitable parent for children under 7, was abolished in most states in 1994. And, due in large part to the recession, women are poised to outnumber men in the workforce for the first time in American history. Job layoffs affecting more men than women have yielded a burgeoning crop of Mr. Moms.
“Men are now able to argue that they spend more time with the kids than their working wives do,” says veteran New York City divorce attorney Raoul Felder. “This is one of the dark sides of women’s accomplishments in the workplace—they’re getting a raw deal in custody cases, while men are being viewed more favorably.”
Indeed, Julie sat helpless as Mark’s lawyer argued that he was the one who arranged the playdates, took the kids to the pediatrician and volunteered at their schools.
Affidavits from teachers and neighbors attested to his hands-on involvement in their daily lives. Meanwhile, Julie’s long hours at work meant that people in the community didn’t witness just how much parenting she did out of view. No one saw the lunches she packed every morning, the all-nighters she pulled when the kids were sick. “If I could have done things differently,” Julie says today, “I would have made myself super-visible.”
The Shifting Landscape
There are about 2.2 million moms in this country like Julie, moms who don’t have primary physical custody of their children. And the number of working moms who lose primary custody has been rising steadily. “A mother’s career can be a liability in custody battles,” says Laura Allison Wasser, a Los Angeles–based lawyer who has represented Britney Spears and Kate Hudson in high-profile divorces. “There’s a huge influx of women who have full-time jobs. Judges want to know who the hands-on parent is, who spends more time with the child. I have made that argument myself: ‘Mom’s not home—she’s out working.’”
Today, it’s not uncommon for fathers seeking sole custody in a contested case to prevail at least 50 percent of the time. And Dad is asking for joint or primary custody more and more: Over the past decade, the number of fathers awarded custody of their children has doubled, according to the latest data. In the current generation of dads, gender doesn’t dictate who changes a diaper or consoles an infant. And as fathers become more entrenched in their roles as cocaregiver, they’re less willing to hand off that role when a marriage breaks down. Women are now also shelling out more child support and sometimes paying alimony. Today, one in every four wives earns more than her husband, compared to one in five 20 years ago. “It’s become a whole different ball game,” observes Rhode Island Family Court Judge Howard I. Lipsey.
Faced with time constraints that make it virtually impossible to get to know the families who appear before them, judges rely on certain assumptions. “When a judge sees a mother who’s working longer hours to support her family, the judge will have a harder time awarding her primary custody,” says Randy Kessler, a prominent divorce lawyer in Atlanta and vice chair of the American Bar Association’s Family Law Section.
“If she’s working that hard, the presumption will be that she’s largely absent from her kids’ lives.”
The current climate in family courts is surely worrisome if you’re a working mom weighing the possibility of divorce. Some would argue, however, that it’s fair. After years of favorable bias toward mothers, the custody battlefield has been leveled. A demanding career “is a potential liability for whichever parent is working more outside of the house,” asserts Jeff Atkinson, a professor of law at DePaul University College of Law in Chicago.
But if the custody status for working moms is code yellow today, it may soon ratchet up to code red. There are some 30 million mothers working now, yet economists expect that number to rise as the recession continues to roil unemployment rates. Female-dominated sectors such as education and health care are growing even as male-dominated fields such as finance and construction are being hit hard by layoffs. By mid-2009, men had lost 74 percent of the 6.4 million jobs that disappeared since the recession started. Forced out of the workforce, more dads are enjoying their role as primary caregiver.
Forced into the workforce—or into the primary breadwinner role—more moms are spending increased hours outside the home to pay the bills. Now collateral damage of the recession, will these women ultimately be penalized if it comes to a custody battle?
Kim Voichescu believes the answer is yes. The 35-year-old former civil engineer turned law student has spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to get physical custody of her two teenage sons. “My ex’s attorney questioned my ability to care for my children based on my extensive work schedule,” she says. “During the trial, he called into question my mothering abilities and asked, ‘How could someone who is so career-oriented be a nurturing mother?’ ” After the lawyer raised these doubts about her devotion to her kids, Kim had to ask the court for a break to compose herself. “We supposedly live in a modern age, and yet I had to justify my nurturing abilities because I have a job?”
What we’re seeing is more than a simple role reversal, notes Charlotte Goldberg, a family law professor at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles.
As progressive as we think we are, the courts haven’t fully grasped the many roles of working mothers. “Culturally embedded attitudes and roles are hard to change,” maintains Diana Dale, founder of the Houston-based WorkLife Institute. “Sometimes it takes three or four generations to make the attitude and behavior shifts.”
Today’s working women still face pressure to function in the traditional mother mode—even after a day at the office, says Ken Neumann, PhD, a New York City psychologist and divorce mediator. “Working mothers have a really bad deal because they have to do everything,” he says. “We don’t put that kind of pressure on men except in unusual circumstances.”
What’s a Working Mom to Do?
Struggling to find their footing on this new custody battleground, many women are at a loss. Heartbreaking stories of moms who’ve lost primary physical custody of their kids flood the Internet. Support groups and blogs such as Mothers Without Custody, Mothers Apart from Their Children and the National Association of Non-Custodial Moms
have sprouted up to console and enlighten. Although the process of deciding where a child will live is inherently agonizing, experts agree that there are concrete steps a working mother can take to protect her rights even before a custody battle begins.
Stay out of Court
Though the U.S. divorce rate tends to dip during economic downturns, it continues to hover at 50 percent. Experts estimate that each year, more than a million children experience their parents’ divorce. How to minimize the damage? Family court judges and divorce lawyers say that the smartest move is to avoid the courtroom. “Hash it out on your own,” advises attorney Felder, who’s witnessed the turmoil these cases can cause during his 40 years in practice. Don’t presume that because you couldn’t find a middle ground to save your marriage, you won’t be able to compromise in divorce for the sake of your kids. “Couples often fight over the children because they’re so angry at each other,” says Goldberg, the family law professor. “That’s a huge mistake. They should opt for mediation to work out the custody issues.”
Indeed, the American custody process has spawned a large number of cottage industries—not only mediators but forensic accountants, appraisers, evaluators, psychologists, child custody coaches and law guardians.
“They all feed off the carcasses of people fighting over the kids,” says Felder.
Many of us are looking at custody the wrong way, maintains Barbara Glesner Fines, a noted law professor at the University of Missouri–Kansas City School of Law. “The question shouldn’t be ‘How can I get or win custody?’ but rather ‘How can I make sure this re-formed family will function in a way that is good for the kids?’ Divorce is just the beginning of a lifetime of parenting your children with this other person. You’ve got to make that work.”
That’s what Portland, OR, life coach Lori Chance, 33, did— via mediation and parenting classes that showed her and her now ex-husband how to keep the kids out of the fray. Things got easier when they followed advice to keep the emotion out of the process. “We were told to look at the other parent as our business partner,” she says. “We hammered out an agreement without a judge making the decisions for us.”
Work Together
What Lori was eventually able to see is what many divorcing parents forget, says L.A. attorney Wasser: that your ex can still be your best ally in raising your children. “This is the one other person in the world who cares most about your kids,” she says. “If you can find a way to cooperate, you’ll be able to serve as backup child care for each other, and this will be better for everyone.”
Mental health experts reinforce the importance of two loving parents in a child’s life. New research from Arizona State University (ASU) in Tempe shows that kids rought up with shared custody or spending equal time with both divorced parents are physically healthier as adults than those living primarily with one. Other ASU studies find that the more time a child lives with a parent, the better the child’s long-term relationship is with that parent. “Even in high-conflict families, research shows it’s still better for the children to have a relationship with both parents,” asserts William Fabricius, PhD, a psychology professor at ASU who worked on the studies.
Good to know:
Legal Custody refers to being able to make decisions for the child, such as medical, educational and
living-arrangement decisions.
Physical Custody refers to where the child lives, eats and sleeps.
Working Mother magazine December/January 2010
By: Sally Abrahms
Are more women facing the impossible choice between keeping a career that pays the bills and living with their children? When it comes to heartbreaking custody wars, people inside and outside the courts say that the growing number of stay-at-home dads and breadwinner moms means more working mothers are fighting an unprecedented uphill battle.
Getting ready for court that raw, overcast Monday morning two years ago, Julie Michaud dressed carefully. She chose a warm pink sweater and tailored black skirt, before slipping on her good luck charm, a necklace engraved with her kids’ names. She helped Daniel, 7, and Sophia, 5, get dressed, packed their school snacks and kissed them goodbye. An hour later, the petite brunette walked into a family probate courtroom.
A judge was deciding whether Julie, then 40, the owner of a beauty business in Boston, would get what she’d requested: joint custody of her children. Her husband, Mark, who’d been unemployed for five years, sought primary custody—a shock to Julie. Still, she was feeling confident. She’d worked hard to support her kids and was deeply devoted to them. Her lawyer assured her there was nothing to worry about, and Julie believed her case was strong.
As she surveyed the crowded courtroom, Julie fought to remain steady against a sudden riptide of emotion: The heartbreak of a ten-year marriage in shambles. The fear of not being the one to tuck her kids into bed each night. The anger at her husband for failing to help support them. “I couldn’t work any harder,” Julie says. “I begged him to get a job.” In court papers, Mark, a graphic artist by training, said he had agreed to stay home with the kids so Julie could build her business.
It took hours for the case to be called. Then a female judge flipped through the stacks of paperwork and announced, “There are so many motions here, it would take three hours to get through them all. I’ll give each lawyer three minutes.” Julie was stunned. “I’ll never forget it,” she remembers. “Three minutes!”
Mark’s lawyer argued that because Mark had not worked since their youngest child was 1, his “marketable skills have decreased,” limiting his opportunities to find work.
Julie’s successful career was portrayed as so demanding that she neglected the children. But she felt some relief when the judge admonished Mark for pulling Sophia out of her arms when she’d gone to console their sobbing daughter about their upcoming divorce. “You won’t do that again,” the judge warned. At that moment, Julie felt the case sway in her favor.
Julie was at work two days later when she saw her lawyer’s number flash on the caller ID. This is it, she thought as she picked up the phone. “I have very bad news,” her lawyer began. Julie felt the blood leave her body. “The judge gave Mark temporary primary custody. You get Wednesdays, Fridays and every other Saturday.”
There was more: Julie had to pay $850 a week in child support and $450 a week in spousal support. She stopped listening. All she could think was I’m being punished for supporting my kids, while there’s this guy who refused to work.
Custody cases like Julie’s are increasingly being played out in family courtrooms across the country. A shift in the courts’ focus, a limping economy and dramatic male/female role reversals in many nuclear families are leading to nontraditional outcomes. Not long ago, men usually paid the child support and doled out the alimony. Moms (working or not) almost always got the kids in messy divorce wars. Years of changing diapers, wiping noses and kissing boo-boos gave them the edge. But now the tide is turning.
The “tender years doctrine,” a court presumption that mothers are the more suitable parent for children under 7, was abolished in most states in 1994. And, due in large part to the recession, women are poised to outnumber men in the workforce for the first time in American history. Job layoffs affecting more men than women have yielded a burgeoning crop of Mr. Moms.
“Men are now able to argue that they spend more time with the kids than their working wives do,” says veteran New York City divorce attorney Raoul Felder. “This is one of the dark sides of women’s accomplishments in the workplace—they’re getting a raw deal in custody cases, while men are being viewed more favorably.”
Indeed, Julie sat helpless as Mark’s lawyer argued that he was the one who arranged the playdates, took the kids to the pediatrician and volunteered at their schools.
Affidavits from teachers and neighbors attested to his hands-on involvement in their daily lives. Meanwhile, Julie’s long hours at work meant that people in the community didn’t witness just how much parenting she did out of view. No one saw the lunches she packed every morning, the all-nighters she pulled when the kids were sick. “If I could have done things differently,” Julie says today, “I would have made myself super-visible.”
The Shifting Landscape
There are about 2.2 million moms in this country like Julie, moms who don’t have primary physical custody of their children. And the number of working moms who lose primary custody has been rising steadily. “A mother’s career can be a liability in custody battles,” says Laura Allison Wasser, a Los Angeles–based lawyer who has represented Britney Spears and Kate Hudson in high-profile divorces. “There’s a huge influx of women who have full-time jobs. Judges want to know who the hands-on parent is, who spends more time with the child. I have made that argument myself: ‘Mom’s not home—she’s out working.’”
Today, it’s not uncommon for fathers seeking sole custody in a contested case to prevail at least 50 percent of the time. And Dad is asking for joint or primary custody more and more: Over the past decade, the number of fathers awarded custody of their children has doubled, according to the latest data. In the current generation of dads, gender doesn’t dictate who changes a diaper or consoles an infant. And as fathers become more entrenched in their roles as cocaregiver, they’re less willing to hand off that role when a marriage breaks down. Women are now also shelling out more child support and sometimes paying alimony. Today, one in every four wives earns more than her husband, compared to one in five 20 years ago. “It’s become a whole different ball game,” observes Rhode Island Family Court Judge Howard I. Lipsey.
Faced with time constraints that make it virtually impossible to get to know the families who appear before them, judges rely on certain assumptions. “When a judge sees a mother who’s working longer hours to support her family, the judge will have a harder time awarding her primary custody,” says Randy Kessler, a prominent divorce lawyer in Atlanta and vice chair of the American Bar Association’s Family Law Section.
“If she’s working that hard, the presumption will be that she’s largely absent from her kids’ lives.”
The current climate in family courts is surely worrisome if you’re a working mom weighing the possibility of divorce. Some would argue, however, that it’s fair. After years of favorable bias toward mothers, the custody battlefield has been leveled. A demanding career “is a potential liability for whichever parent is working more outside of the house,” asserts Jeff Atkinson, a professor of law at DePaul University College of Law in Chicago.
But if the custody status for working moms is code yellow today, it may soon ratchet up to code red. There are some 30 million mothers working now, yet economists expect that number to rise as the recession continues to roil unemployment rates. Female-dominated sectors such as education and health care are growing even as male-dominated fields such as finance and construction are being hit hard by layoffs. By mid-2009, men had lost 74 percent of the 6.4 million jobs that disappeared since the recession started. Forced out of the workforce, more dads are enjoying their role as primary caregiver.
Forced into the workforce—or into the primary breadwinner role—more moms are spending increased hours outside the home to pay the bills. Now collateral damage of the recession, will these women ultimately be penalized if it comes to a custody battle?
Kim Voichescu believes the answer is yes. The 35-year-old former civil engineer turned law student has spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to get physical custody of her two teenage sons. “My ex’s attorney questioned my ability to care for my children based on my extensive work schedule,” she says. “During the trial, he called into question my mothering abilities and asked, ‘How could someone who is so career-oriented be a nurturing mother?’ ” After the lawyer raised these doubts about her devotion to her kids, Kim had to ask the court for a break to compose herself. “We supposedly live in a modern age, and yet I had to justify my nurturing abilities because I have a job?”
What we’re seeing is more than a simple role reversal, notes Charlotte Goldberg, a family law professor at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles.
As progressive as we think we are, the courts haven’t fully grasped the many roles of working mothers. “Culturally embedded attitudes and roles are hard to change,” maintains Diana Dale, founder of the Houston-based WorkLife Institute. “Sometimes it takes three or four generations to make the attitude and behavior shifts.”
Today’s working women still face pressure to function in the traditional mother mode—even after a day at the office, says Ken Neumann, PhD, a New York City psychologist and divorce mediator. “Working mothers have a really bad deal because they have to do everything,” he says. “We don’t put that kind of pressure on men except in unusual circumstances.”
What’s a Working Mom to Do?
Struggling to find their footing on this new custody battleground, many women are at a loss. Heartbreaking stories of moms who’ve lost primary physical custody of their kids flood the Internet. Support groups and blogs such as Mothers Without Custody, Mothers Apart from Their Children and the National Association of Non-Custodial Moms
have sprouted up to console and enlighten. Although the process of deciding where a child will live is inherently agonizing, experts agree that there are concrete steps a working mother can take to protect her rights even before a custody battle begins.
Stay out of Court
Though the U.S. divorce rate tends to dip during economic downturns, it continues to hover at 50 percent. Experts estimate that each year, more than a million children experience their parents’ divorce. How to minimize the damage? Family court judges and divorce lawyers say that the smartest move is to avoid the courtroom. “Hash it out on your own,” advises attorney Felder, who’s witnessed the turmoil these cases can cause during his 40 years in practice. Don’t presume that because you couldn’t find a middle ground to save your marriage, you won’t be able to compromise in divorce for the sake of your kids. “Couples often fight over the children because they’re so angry at each other,” says Goldberg, the family law professor. “That’s a huge mistake. They should opt for mediation to work out the custody issues.”
Indeed, the American custody process has spawned a large number of cottage industries—not only mediators but forensic accountants, appraisers, evaluators, psychologists, child custody coaches and law guardians.
“They all feed off the carcasses of people fighting over the kids,” says Felder.
Many of us are looking at custody the wrong way, maintains Barbara Glesner Fines, a noted law professor at the University of Missouri–Kansas City School of Law. “The question shouldn’t be ‘How can I get or win custody?’ but rather ‘How can I make sure this re-formed family will function in a way that is good for the kids?’ Divorce is just the beginning of a lifetime of parenting your children with this other person. You’ve got to make that work.”
That’s what Portland, OR, life coach Lori Chance, 33, did— via mediation and parenting classes that showed her and her now ex-husband how to keep the kids out of the fray. Things got easier when they followed advice to keep the emotion out of the process. “We were told to look at the other parent as our business partner,” she says. “We hammered out an agreement without a judge making the decisions for us.”
Work Together
What Lori was eventually able to see is what many divorcing parents forget, says L.A. attorney Wasser: that your ex can still be your best ally in raising your children. “This is the one other person in the world who cares most about your kids,” she says. “If you can find a way to cooperate, you’ll be able to serve as backup child care for each other, and this will be better for everyone.”
Mental health experts reinforce the importance of two loving parents in a child’s life. New research from Arizona State University (ASU) in Tempe shows that kids rought up with shared custody or spending equal time with both divorced parents are physically healthier as adults than those living primarily with one. Other ASU studies find that the more time a child lives with a parent, the better the child’s long-term relationship is with that parent. “Even in high-conflict families, research shows it’s still better for the children to have a relationship with both parents,” asserts William Fabricius, PhD, a psychology professor at ASU who worked on the studies.
Good to know:
Legal Custody refers to being able to make decisions for the child, such as medical, educational and
living-arrangement decisions.
Physical Custody refers to where the child lives, eats and sleeps.
Tracking your Teen
Working Mother magazine, December/January 2010
By: Irene Chang, Photo: Veer
It’s Friday night and you’re trying to be levelheaded as your teen attempts to test some of your rules. You want to know where she’s going and whom she’ll be with. She wants to slink out the door. Okay, that’s the natural order of things (you remember being a teen). The more you ask, the less she shares. You don’t want to rob her of her independence; still, you need to know.
Teens may think they need their parents less and less, but our supervision may be more important now than ever. Research consistently suggests that adolescents whose parents keep tabs on them are less prone to risky behaviors, including drug and alcohol use. But a recent study review shows that better results come when teens voluntarily share with their parents information about friends, activities and whereabouts, says report author Judith Smetana, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester in New York. “Parents putting the pressure on by asking more and more questions, being intrusive and laying on guilt is associated with teen depression and anxiety,” she says. “Yet positive behavior control, including clear rules and expectations, negotiating and listening, is not only psychologically healthy for adolescents, it also may lead them to offer more info to parents.”
So how do you find the middle ground? The key is trust—on both sides. When there’s give-and-take between parents and teens, when kids are given room to explain their reasoning and negotiate, a climate of trust is possible. Kids are then more apt to open up and share.
But be realistic about what your child is likely to share with you. There are certain topics teenagers feel comfortable talking about with their parents, and then there are others, says Dr. Smetana. Your daughter is going to tell her BFF, not you, about that cute guy in algebra. Even so, you need to keep communicating: Set clear, consistent rules about her letting you know where she is, whom she’s with and when she’ll be home, and about sex and alcohol and drug use. She also needs to understand risky behaviors, their consequences and how easily peer pressure can promote them. “Kids are trying to negotiate developing independence, but parents ultimately are trying to keep them safe,” Dr. Smetana adds.
Of course, these sometimes conflicting agendas yield a push-pull between parent and child. Regardless, your job is to continually express interest. And if you feel your teen is hiding something, don’t wait for her to share. Ask, but in a gentle, unemotional, non-accusatory way. Hopefully, what she’s hiding is as simple as that algebra crush—and she might just tell you about it over low-fat milkshakes at the mall.
By: Irene Chang, Photo: Veer
It’s Friday night and you’re trying to be levelheaded as your teen attempts to test some of your rules. You want to know where she’s going and whom she’ll be with. She wants to slink out the door. Okay, that’s the natural order of things (you remember being a teen). The more you ask, the less she shares. You don’t want to rob her of her independence; still, you need to know.
Teens may think they need their parents less and less, but our supervision may be more important now than ever. Research consistently suggests that adolescents whose parents keep tabs on them are less prone to risky behaviors, including drug and alcohol use. But a recent study review shows that better results come when teens voluntarily share with their parents information about friends, activities and whereabouts, says report author Judith Smetana, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester in New York. “Parents putting the pressure on by asking more and more questions, being intrusive and laying on guilt is associated with teen depression and anxiety,” she says. “Yet positive behavior control, including clear rules and expectations, negotiating and listening, is not only psychologically healthy for adolescents, it also may lead them to offer more info to parents.”
So how do you find the middle ground? The key is trust—on both sides. When there’s give-and-take between parents and teens, when kids are given room to explain their reasoning and negotiate, a climate of trust is possible. Kids are then more apt to open up and share.
But be realistic about what your child is likely to share with you. There are certain topics teenagers feel comfortable talking about with their parents, and then there are others, says Dr. Smetana. Your daughter is going to tell her BFF, not you, about that cute guy in algebra. Even so, you need to keep communicating: Set clear, consistent rules about her letting you know where she is, whom she’s with and when she’ll be home, and about sex and alcohol and drug use. She also needs to understand risky behaviors, their consequences and how easily peer pressure can promote them. “Kids are trying to negotiate developing independence, but parents ultimately are trying to keep them safe,” Dr. Smetana adds.
Of course, these sometimes conflicting agendas yield a push-pull between parent and child. Regardless, your job is to continually express interest. And if you feel your teen is hiding something, don’t wait for her to share. Ask, but in a gentle, unemotional, non-accusatory way. Hopefully, what she’s hiding is as simple as that algebra crush—and she might just tell you about it over low-fat milkshakes at the mall.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Registering for Your Baby
Here are the basics. I'm sure the list will be updated as needed.
1.Don't register for clothes or bibs. People will get you clothes regardless of what you register for. It's not the same as a wedding shower. People love to buy baby clothes!
2.You need lots of A&D ointment and Desitin (we put some on every diaper to help prevent redness and rashes from developing)
3.baby bathtub,
4.bouncer (with vibrator,
5.high chair (at least by the time your baby is 4 months although we fed our in his bouncer/rocker for the first two months of rice cereal)
6.stroller and car seat,
7.diaper bag (we got a diaper backpack-check out daddygear.com or Amazon),
8.bath towels,
9.baby lotion & sunscreen, & shampoo,
10.first aid kit,
11.socks and caps/hats, stock up on infant Tylenol now,
12.Hyland teething tablets,
13.changing table or pack n play with bassinet and changing table (but your back will get sore with the pack n play b/c the changing tables are too low for consistent use),
14. swing (very important for first couple months),
15.bottles and pacifiers can be tricky b/c you don't know what your baby will prefer (we use NUK),
16.crib (if you don't plan on using a bassinet-I waited 3 months after the baby before buying a crib),
17.fleece blankets/receiving blankets,
18.batteries
19.diapers and diaper wipes. (cloth or disposable depending on your preference)
I also did a lot of research on Amazon, looking for ideas and reading reviews. It is overwhelming the first time.
Don't buy:
1.Crib & Mattress Set (you can't use the bumper or blanket for the first year-so save your $)
2.Bottle warmer (you want to serve your baby their bottle where ever you are-car, theme park, park, etc)
3.Fancy Spa Bathtub
3.Pee pee tippis (they fly off when the boy baby pees)
Remember:
You want your life to be as easy as possible. The more you buy, the more you have to learn how to use it and when to use it. Keep it simple so you can focus on your baby and getting sleep!
1.Don't register for clothes or bibs. People will get you clothes regardless of what you register for. It's not the same as a wedding shower. People love to buy baby clothes!
2.You need lots of A&D ointment and Desitin (we put some on every diaper to help prevent redness and rashes from developing)
3.baby bathtub,
4.bouncer (with vibrator,
5.high chair (at least by the time your baby is 4 months although we fed our in his bouncer/rocker for the first two months of rice cereal)
6.stroller and car seat,
7.diaper bag (we got a diaper backpack-check out daddygear.com or Amazon),
8.bath towels,
9.baby lotion & sunscreen, & shampoo,
10.first aid kit,
11.socks and caps/hats, stock up on infant Tylenol now,
12.Hyland teething tablets,
13.changing table or pack n play with bassinet and changing table (but your back will get sore with the pack n play b/c the changing tables are too low for consistent use),
14. swing (very important for first couple months),
15.bottles and pacifiers can be tricky b/c you don't know what your baby will prefer (we use NUK),
16.crib (if you don't plan on using a bassinet-I waited 3 months after the baby before buying a crib),
17.fleece blankets/receiving blankets,
18.batteries
19.diapers and diaper wipes. (cloth or disposable depending on your preference)
I also did a lot of research on Amazon, looking for ideas and reading reviews. It is overwhelming the first time.
Don't buy:
1.Crib & Mattress Set (you can't use the bumper or blanket for the first year-so save your $)
2.Bottle warmer (you want to serve your baby their bottle where ever you are-car, theme park, park, etc)
3.Fancy Spa Bathtub
3.Pee pee tippis (they fly off when the boy baby pees)
Remember:
You want your life to be as easy as possible. The more you buy, the more you have to learn how to use it and when to use it. Keep it simple so you can focus on your baby and getting sleep!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mean Moms Article
This is a great article for moms, dads, and families from Good Housekeeping, October 2009. Many parents feel they are doing something wrong or should be nicer to their children when they say things like "Mom, I Hate You!" However, I agree with the article (as a teacher and parent), you are actually doing something right. Of course, it doesn't make being a parent any easier. Please enjoy the article.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Sneaky Fitness Rescues Texting Tweens
I love using the tips I find from the "Sneaky Chef." You can subscribe to their newsletter for tips and recipes. http://www.thesneakychef.com/blog/
Sneaky Fitness Rescues Texting Tweens
By Missy on January 23, 2010
Startling new research reveals that our kids are spending about 8 hours a day in front of electronic devices like computers, TVs and cell phones. Plus, another recent study found that people who spend most of their days sitting are more likely to have health problems of all kinds. With a 17% kids' obesity rate in the US, parents can draw the conclusion that it is extremely urgent that we address our kids' inactive lifestyles immediately!
While everyone knows that it is a lost cause to ban these devices, we can counter these alarmingly dangerous influences with a few simple, Sneaky Fitness strategies:
1. "Walk the talk" – Parents can require that kids pace or walk around the house for at least one hour of their phone or texting time (Burns double the calories of sitting)
2. Parents can replace the computer chair with a simple balance ball (Builds core strength and improves posture)
3. Parents can "plant" items in the TV room - such as mini trampoline, Bosu or hippety hop/balance ball – and can require that kids use one of those items for at least one hour of their TV time (Burns at least 143 more calories than sitting)
4. Parents can make a rule against "chat 'n chew": that is, no eating in front of the TV or computer or while on phone or other electronic device. This will eliminate mindless eating! (research indicates that children consume substantially more calories in a meal if they are watching television while they eat)
Adapted from SNEAKY FITNESS: Fun, Foolproof Ways to Slip Fitness into Your Child's Everyday Life, by Missy Chase Lapine, The Sneaky Chef, and Larysa DiDio (Running Press, Jan 2010)
Sneaky Fitness Rescues Texting Tweens
By Missy on January 23, 2010
Startling new research reveals that our kids are spending about 8 hours a day in front of electronic devices like computers, TVs and cell phones. Plus, another recent study found that people who spend most of their days sitting are more likely to have health problems of all kinds. With a 17% kids' obesity rate in the US, parents can draw the conclusion that it is extremely urgent that we address our kids' inactive lifestyles immediately!
While everyone knows that it is a lost cause to ban these devices, we can counter these alarmingly dangerous influences with a few simple, Sneaky Fitness strategies:
1. "Walk the talk" – Parents can require that kids pace or walk around the house for at least one hour of their phone or texting time (Burns double the calories of sitting)
2. Parents can replace the computer chair with a simple balance ball (Builds core strength and improves posture)
3. Parents can "plant" items in the TV room - such as mini trampoline, Bosu or hippety hop/balance ball – and can require that kids use one of those items for at least one hour of their TV time (Burns at least 143 more calories than sitting)
4. Parents can make a rule against "chat 'n chew": that is, no eating in front of the TV or computer or while on phone or other electronic device. This will eliminate mindless eating! (research indicates that children consume substantially more calories in a meal if they are watching television while they eat)
Adapted from SNEAKY FITNESS: Fun, Foolproof Ways to Slip Fitness into Your Child's Everyday Life, by Missy Chase Lapine, The Sneaky Chef, and Larysa DiDio (Running Press, Jan 2010)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
How to hire good service professionals
Good Housekeeping Reports
Updated: 02/04/2010 10:53:30 AM MST
The No. 1 rule in hiring any service professional is to get references. Word of mouth from friends and neighbors is the best way to find a good worker who will deliver great results.
Ask anyone you hire about minimum charges, and what might cause the price to go up from the quote. Inquire about insurance (in case of injury, or damage to your or others' property), and about professional affiliations and accreditation. Read contracts carefully and consider these questions:
For plumbers » Do you specialize in repair work or remodeling? Some may do both, but you'll get better rates and results if their expertise matches the job you need handled. Do you charge for travel time? Their hourly rates may include driving to and from your house.
Are you likely to have the necessary parts handy? A plumber worth his or her salt should be fully stocked.
For electricians » Do you need a permit to do the work? They're usually needed only on larger jobs, and require that the wiring be inspected by your city (this can protect you against shoddy work). Discuss who will be filing for the permit, and what it will add to the cost.
Will you buy the fixtures or parts for me? It's generally preferable, because the electrician will then be responsible for the product warranty and any breakage or missing pieces.
For exterminators » Will we need to leave the house? Are there any risks to people or pets? All pesticides should be EPA-certified, but there may be safety steps you or the exterminating crew need to take. How soon before the critters will be gone? Total eradication may not occur after just one visit. Are return visits covered in the cost?
For housepainters » What is included in the service? From masking off of unpainted areas to moving of furniture (for interior jobs), priming and multiple coats of paint, all should be delineated in the contract, as well as what supplies and tools (brushes, rollers) are included.
Can you get a discount on paint? A good painter has a relationship with a supplier to get you the best price.
For roofers » Should I repair or replace? Leaks are often difficult to diagnose, and a repair in one spot may not fix the whole problem. Recommendations will vary, so get three estimates.
Will you be roofing over existing shingles? If the basic structure is sound and leaks will be easy to patch, a cover-up job is far more cost-effective; if you already have two layers, most building codes require removal and replacement. This should be factored into the quote.
Is there a warranty or guarantee? There should be both. The manufacturer backs the materials for defects, while the work may be covered for up to 10 years by the roofer.
Updated: 02/04/2010 10:53:30 AM MST
The No. 1 rule in hiring any service professional is to get references. Word of mouth from friends and neighbors is the best way to find a good worker who will deliver great results.
Ask anyone you hire about minimum charges, and what might cause the price to go up from the quote. Inquire about insurance (in case of injury, or damage to your or others' property), and about professional affiliations and accreditation. Read contracts carefully and consider these questions:
For plumbers » Do you specialize in repair work or remodeling? Some may do both, but you'll get better rates and results if their expertise matches the job you need handled. Do you charge for travel time? Their hourly rates may include driving to and from your house.
Are you likely to have the necessary parts handy? A plumber worth his or her salt should be fully stocked.
For electricians » Do you need a permit to do the work? They're usually needed only on larger jobs, and require that the wiring be inspected by your city (this can protect you against shoddy work). Discuss who will be filing for the permit, and what it will add to the cost.
Will you buy the fixtures or parts for me? It's generally preferable, because the electrician will then be responsible for the product warranty and any breakage or missing pieces.
For exterminators » Will we need to leave the house? Are there any risks to people or pets? All pesticides should be EPA-certified, but there may be safety steps you or the exterminating crew need to take. How soon before the critters will be gone? Total eradication may not occur after just one visit. Are return visits covered in the cost?
For housepainters » What is included in the service? From masking off of unpainted areas to moving of furniture (for interior jobs), priming and multiple coats of paint, all should be delineated in the contract, as well as what supplies and tools (brushes, rollers) are included.
Can you get a discount on paint? A good painter has a relationship with a supplier to get you the best price.
For roofers » Should I repair or replace? Leaks are often difficult to diagnose, and a repair in one spot may not fix the whole problem. Recommendations will vary, so get three estimates.
Will you be roofing over existing shingles? If the basic structure is sound and leaks will be easy to patch, a cover-up job is far more cost-effective; if you already have two layers, most building codes require removal and replacement. This should be factored into the quote.
Is there a warranty or guarantee? There should be both. The manufacturer backs the materials for defects, while the work may be covered for up to 10 years by the roofer.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Would you volunteer to eat school lunch every day to prove a point? This teacher did.
Found this on the web.
* by Jessica Ashley, Shine staff, on Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:24pm PDT
I will be honest -- I do not love making my son's lunch. Every evening at about midnight, I do it. It's one more task to tick off my list before I fall into bed. I know that it would be easy and less expensive to have him eat the school lunches. For those reasons, I do not judge the parents who choose -- or have to, out of financial or other necessity -- to ensure that that their kids eat a midday meal by arranging for them to have the school lunch. As much as little cups of organic apple sauce cost and no matter how many soy butter and jam sandwiches I make, I just cannot bring myself to let my kid eat what the school is serving.
This is a privileged perspective, I know. Many families rely on school lunches and I am aware that these meals are sometimes the only ones or the healthiest ones some children eat. For that, I am grateful the system allows kids to eat one or several meals before and during school hours.
Still, the question of how to make this system work better, particularly during a time when obesity threatens so many children, stands. How can we feed our children healthfully and economically? And what in the world are we teaching our children when we put food in front of them that has little nutritional value or is high in fat and sodium or that we would not dare eat ourselves?
A teacher in Illinois is illustrating those concerns candidly on her own anonymous blog. I like to think of her as an undercover activist for the cause of feeding our children well -- or at least better. She is spending 2010 eating school lunch every day, documenting photos of the (let's be honest, sad-looking) food on her tray, providing some nutritional information, commenting on the taste, and detailing the not-so-pretty bellyaches she's had since beginning the project. It's all chronicled on her blog "Fed Up With Lunch" and through Tweets.
Mrs. Q, as she dubs herself on the site, writes that the timing of her project is critical because, "The Child Nutrition Act is being debated in Congress. It's important that people realize that funding for school lunches is vital to children's success in school and in life."
Why is she speaking out pretty loudly but still keeping her identity mum?
"I'm blogging anonymously because I like my job and getting a paycheck. But I'm still putting my livelihood on the line by speaking up. Why? Because I want to raise awareness about school lunch. It may not be what every child in this country eats, but I believe the meal that I am showing represents what most children eat at lunch in the US," she posted in February, just over a month after she launched the lunch project.
Mrs. Q also says that caring about what kids eat for lunch is an investment in their long-term health and the eventual well-being of our country.
"I am not a nutritionist. That being said, I became concerned about what the kids were eating because on the surface, the food doesn't appear to be very healthy. These are the kids who need the good nutrition. My students don't have good food models at home. These kids depend on the school for so much, including good nutrition. And if they don't get it, they will develop bad habits and increase our health-care costs in the future," she told AOL Health.
Mrs. Q's concerns are not centered solely on the food. She says that the time allotted to students for lunch encourages unhealthy eating habits. She reports that students often have only 13 minutes to eat, and that can easily be knocked down to five if the student has to wait in a long line, go to the bathroom, or hunt for a space at a table.
Only a few months into the year, she says she believes healthier meals -- namely stir fries, salads, soups, and casseroles -- could be made in bulk and served in better conscience to the kids. She says she'd also like tater tots to be replaced with roasted potatoes, yogurt and cottage cheese to be added as sides, and to banish hot dogs altogether.
Her blog is a fascinating -- and yes, disturbing -- read. It includes posts by guest bloggers, many of whom are teachers, all of whom have their own take on what is on the trays. Reading it and looking deeper into what she is doing in a very short lunch period every day this year, not only makes me more adamant about brown-bagging it for my own son, but it also makes me want to get more involved in changing the system for kids in schools across the country.
Still, Mrs. Q says she fears being found out, as she explained on her blog.
"I feel a lot of guilt and turmoil about what I'm doing here. I'm waiting for the moment I'm called to the principal's office and let go. I do believe it's a matter of 'when' not 'if' they find out and it's curtains for me and then of course the project.
"I want them to know that the project is not about individuals in one school but about a country full of children who need better food models."
* by Jessica Ashley, Shine staff, on Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:24pm PDT
I will be honest -- I do not love making my son's lunch. Every evening at about midnight, I do it. It's one more task to tick off my list before I fall into bed. I know that it would be easy and less expensive to have him eat the school lunches. For those reasons, I do not judge the parents who choose -- or have to, out of financial or other necessity -- to ensure that that their kids eat a midday meal by arranging for them to have the school lunch. As much as little cups of organic apple sauce cost and no matter how many soy butter and jam sandwiches I make, I just cannot bring myself to let my kid eat what the school is serving.
This is a privileged perspective, I know. Many families rely on school lunches and I am aware that these meals are sometimes the only ones or the healthiest ones some children eat. For that, I am grateful the system allows kids to eat one or several meals before and during school hours.
Still, the question of how to make this system work better, particularly during a time when obesity threatens so many children, stands. How can we feed our children healthfully and economically? And what in the world are we teaching our children when we put food in front of them that has little nutritional value or is high in fat and sodium or that we would not dare eat ourselves?
A teacher in Illinois is illustrating those concerns candidly on her own anonymous blog. I like to think of her as an undercover activist for the cause of feeding our children well -- or at least better. She is spending 2010 eating school lunch every day, documenting photos of the (let's be honest, sad-looking) food on her tray, providing some nutritional information, commenting on the taste, and detailing the not-so-pretty bellyaches she's had since beginning the project. It's all chronicled on her blog "Fed Up With Lunch" and through Tweets.
Mrs. Q, as she dubs herself on the site, writes that the timing of her project is critical because, "The Child Nutrition Act is being debated in Congress. It's important that people realize that funding for school lunches is vital to children's success in school and in life."
Why is she speaking out pretty loudly but still keeping her identity mum?
"I'm blogging anonymously because I like my job and getting a paycheck. But I'm still putting my livelihood on the line by speaking up. Why? Because I want to raise awareness about school lunch. It may not be what every child in this country eats, but I believe the meal that I am showing represents what most children eat at lunch in the US," she posted in February, just over a month after she launched the lunch project.
Mrs. Q also says that caring about what kids eat for lunch is an investment in their long-term health and the eventual well-being of our country.
"I am not a nutritionist. That being said, I became concerned about what the kids were eating because on the surface, the food doesn't appear to be very healthy. These are the kids who need the good nutrition. My students don't have good food models at home. These kids depend on the school for so much, including good nutrition. And if they don't get it, they will develop bad habits and increase our health-care costs in the future," she told AOL Health.
Mrs. Q's concerns are not centered solely on the food. She says that the time allotted to students for lunch encourages unhealthy eating habits. She reports that students often have only 13 minutes to eat, and that can easily be knocked down to five if the student has to wait in a long line, go to the bathroom, or hunt for a space at a table.
Only a few months into the year, she says she believes healthier meals -- namely stir fries, salads, soups, and casseroles -- could be made in bulk and served in better conscience to the kids. She says she'd also like tater tots to be replaced with roasted potatoes, yogurt and cottage cheese to be added as sides, and to banish hot dogs altogether.
Her blog is a fascinating -- and yes, disturbing -- read. It includes posts by guest bloggers, many of whom are teachers, all of whom have their own take on what is on the trays. Reading it and looking deeper into what she is doing in a very short lunch period every day this year, not only makes me more adamant about brown-bagging it for my own son, but it also makes me want to get more involved in changing the system for kids in schools across the country.
Still, Mrs. Q says she fears being found out, as she explained on her blog.
"I feel a lot of guilt and turmoil about what I'm doing here. I'm waiting for the moment I'm called to the principal's office and let go. I do believe it's a matter of 'when' not 'if' they find out and it's curtains for me and then of course the project.
"I want them to know that the project is not about individuals in one school but about a country full of children who need better food models."
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