I like this article from Good Housekeeping (January 2011) because it deals with older kids/teens.
Are You a Pushover Parent?
If you're a softie with your kids (but wish you weren't), it's not too late to get an authoritative backbone. Here's how.
By Charlotte Latvala
As I walked through my living room not long ago, picking up dirty socks and empty pretzel bags, I muttered, "Why is it that no one but me cleans up around here?" Even though my two older kids (Mathilda, 15, and A.J., 13) were sitting within earshot, they didn't respond; Mathilda was absorbed in her school-issued laptop; A.J., his parent-issued iPod Touch. "Why am I cleaning up your mess?" I said, much louder this time. Silence. I tried a third time, almost shouting. A.J. looked up from his iPod, made eye contact, and...shrugged.
Here it is, I thought: proof that I've failed as a parent. My greatest wish, at that moment, was to rewind the clock to the preschool years and post that chore chart I never quite got around to. While I was back there, I'd add some oomph to my parenting style, which has always veered between "laid-back" and "extremely laid-back." Don't get me wrong; it's not that my kids are awful. Overall, they're sweet and funny; they get decent grades and hang out with friends I love. But I spend way too much time cajoling, reminding, and nagging. And I'm not always consistent with discipline; sometimes I freak out over too much TV and other times — depending on my exhaustion level — I let it slide. I'd wager there are other moms out there like me: those who wish they'd held the line more and worry it's too late to repent.
Fortunately, even if your kids are teenagers, you can still redeem yourself. "It's absolutely never too late," says child development and behavior specialist Betsy Brown Braun, author of You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-Proofing Your 4- to 12-Year-Old Child. "Granted, it can be harder to change patterns as kids get older; it's like asking them to speak Italian when they've been speaking Greek for years. However, as long as you are clear and honest with your child, it can be done." So over the past few weeks, I've tried some new tactics from parenting experts. Here's what I've learned (along with a few things I'm still working on). To make a change, you need to:
Admit Your Mistakes
The first step is acknowledging your part in the problem, says Brown Braun — to both yourself and to your children. Be honest about the fact that you've let them dodge chores or mouth off in the past. "Don't turn it into a finger-wagging session," she says. "It's not about blame; it's about you saying, 'I've allowed you to talk to me that way or not help with the dishes for years, but now that's over.' You're giving kids a heads-up and letting them know what changes are ahead."
Where you have "the talk" makes a difference, says Michael J. Bradley, Ed.D., author of When Things Get Crazy With Your Teen. "To signal that a sea change is under way, break it to them in a different venue," says Bradley. "It's human nature to act the same old way in the same old places." (Harping about new video game rules while your kid is playing Wii, for instance, will have zero effect.) Bradley's favorite spot for any one-on-one with a tween or teen: a café — it's away from home, and kids feel grown-up and comfortable. So I took my older kids (separately) to Starbucks, bought each a decaf mocha, and laid it out: "I've goofed by letting you slack off, and now I need you to step up and take some responsibility." I even produced a two-page list of weekly household chores and asked each to pick a few tasks. I was expecting resistance, so I was pleasantly surprised when Mathilda said, "As long as I don't have to take out the garbage." A.J.'s main concern was that life was suddenly going to become all chores, all the time. When I assured him that he'd still be able to have friends over and play video games once he got his work done, he was agreeable, and selected several jobs from the list I'd drawn up. Giving kids a say in picking chores is vital, says Brown Braun; they're much more likely to cooperate and feel a sense of accomplishment in a job they've chosen.
Come Up With A Plan
For me, chores are the hot-button issue. For moms like Kim DeVigil, of Denver, it's bedtime. The mother of four girls (twins age 9, plus an 11- and a 13-year-old) says, "Every night I get home from work at 7 P.M . and say, 'Tonight we're going to bed early.' But getting four tweens ready for bed is a lot like herding cats. Even when I'm aiming for 9 P.M., it's usually 10:30 by the time they're all in bed."
Begin any change with a detailed plan, says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., author of Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking. "If bedtime is 9:30 P.M., map out what needs to happen beforehand to get there," she says. Approach it like a group project at school — it's a concept kids immediately get. "You might say, 'Clearly, we're having a problem sticking with a healthy bedtime. Let's figure out together what each of us can do to make this work. What do you think is workable?' " Chansky suggests. Counterintuitive as it sounds, you may need to dial down the authority level here; again, if tweens feel like their voice counts, they're more likely to cooperate. "In the end, what you want is a solution," says Chansky. "But you don't necessarily need to be the author of the solution." So listen to their suggestions, and then add your own (say, moving daily showers or chores from late afternoon to the early morning hours).
Simply repeating your plan out loud is a huge help, says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. "Research shows that if you actually announce your intention, you're more likely to commit and stick to it," says Borba. "The same principle works for people who are trying to lose weight." Another idea from Borba: Set reminders for yourself on your cell phone or computer. "Or post a photo of the problem (e.g., your kid's disastrous closet) as your computer background so you remember to follow up with him."
Take Small Steps
Of course, saying you'll do something and actually doing it are two different things. Don't tackle too much too soon, says Borba — otherwise you'll be overwhelmed. "Use the foot-in-the-door technique," she recommends. "For instance, start with one chore instead of five. Once you've had success, you add more." Also, make sure the first step is a super-easy one. One of A.J.'s chosen items on the chore list was tackling his messy room, but "saying, 'Clean your room' is way too general," says Borba. "Just making the bed is a step in the right direction," she says. So we went to IKEA and I let A.J. pick out a comforter in a funky pattern. Voilà — he started tossing it over the bed in the morning, and the room looked instantly neater. I let him know (repeatedly) how happy I was; next, I asked him to get the dirty clothes off the floor and down the laundry chute — and was pleasantly surprised when he complied (though some days, I had to remind him about "our Starbucks talk").
These may be teeny changes, but the smallest tweaks to your kid's routine can make an impact, says Borba; there's a spillover effect that makes the next problem easier to tackle. "Kids really do get hooked on those feelings of accomplishment, and they genuinely want to receive your praise," she says.
Stop Yelling
I've often regretted how much I've hollered at my kids. I tend to let things slide and then explode when they finally push me over the limit — the absolutely wrong way to go, says Bradley, because kids can tune out the low-level nagging and only listen when you screech. That means they never learn internal motivation. "When a parent asks, 'Did you take the trash out?' over and over, it's like an alarm clock set on snooze," he says. "The first three times it goes off don't count. When the clock — or parent — finally goes insane, the kid knows he'd better get moving." Obviously, there's got to be a better way.
Consider my friend Sandy, who yelled at her 16-year-old son to turn off his video games after school for months, to no avail. But when she took action — literally, by locking up her son's video game system in a secondhand armoire — she got through. "Now he calmly finishes his homework and chores before the doors are unlocked," she says.
Another trick that stops the yelling: Communicate in writing, says Borba — kids are so comfortable texting, IM-ing, and e-mailing that they often respond better to written requests (even old-fashioned Post-it notes work). Also, when things are written down, you take your emotions out of the picture, and there's no room for misunderstanding. "Believe it or not, tweens and teens are highly sensitive to sarcasm," says Borba. "Also, they frequently misinterpret facial expressions." If you're screaming, they'll only remember the anger, not the point you were trying to make.
Give Kids A Carrot
In many ways, early adolescence is an ideal time for discipline do-overs, says Bradley, "since at this age, kids are looking for autonomy." Tap into that desire for independence by offering incentives they truly want — like spending money. Explain that kids can earn cash (or privileges, if you're dead set against paying them) by getting chores done within the agreed-upon time. That's it — no threats. "You get yourself out of the equation. They decide if they're going to do it," Bradley says.
The first week I tried this with A.J., the garbage cans were still sitting in the garage at the appointed hour. That's OK, says Bradley: "It's a good learning experience, and the system provides its own muscle." I dragged the cans to the curb myself without saying a word. Later that day, A.J. was crestfallen. "Does this mean I won't get paid?" he asked. "Not this week," I said calmly. "But you'll have another chance next week, and I'm sure you'll do better." Sure enough, the trash went out on time the next few weeks.
Stick With It
I'm happy with the changes we've started to make as a family — the kids are doing more around the house, and I'm yelling less — but I'm still worried I won't stay consistent over the months and years to come, particularly in my weak or tired moments. That's when I remember that experts say it takes three weeks to form a new habit and at least six months for it to become automatic. "Be forgiving of yourself and your kids when someone blows it. Then start fresh the next day," says Brown Braun. Praise them when they get it right, and when they don't, remind them that change is tough for everyone, but it gets easier. And don't forget to spend one-on-one time with your kids; it's especially important to let them know they're loved as you ask more of them in the months ahead.
Showing posts with label PARENTS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PARENTS. Show all posts
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Education reform: Shorter week, more learning
Education reform: Shorter week, more learning
More than 120 school districts across the U.S. are finding that less can be more — less being fewer days spent in school.»
May 8, 2011
The general assumption is that when it comes to educating American kids, more is more. Longer school hours. Saturday school. Summer school. Yet more than 120 school districts across the nation are finding that less can also be more — less being fewer days spent in school.
The four-day school week has been around for decades, according to the National Council of State Legislatures, but it's quietly spreading as a money-saving tactic, especially after several states — including Montana, Georgia, Missouri and Washington — passed legislation allowing school districts to make the switch as long as they lengthened each school day so that there was no reduction in instructional hours. Teachers work just as much under the four-day plan, so there are no cost reductions there, but schools have saved from 2% to 9%, according to a 2009 report by the Center for Education Policy at the University of Southern Maine. Utility and transportation costs are lower; there's no need to serve a fifth lunch each week; even the reduced wear and tear on buildings has helped.
Here's the surprise: There appear to be educational benefits as well. Absenteeism among students and teachers in these schools has fallen appreciably, the report said. (As a result, schools also paid less money for substitute teachers.) Students reported feeling more positive about school. Dropout rates fell, students behaved better and participation in extracurricular activities rose. Parents of young children often objected to the change because of the need to find childcare, but once the programs were in place, the report said, they often found that it was easier to find care for one full day a week than for several partial days. Test scores didn't fall, and in many cases, they rose.
As promising as all this sounds, the findings are far from definitive. The four-day week has been tried mostly in tiny, rural school districts. Providing the necessary childcare could be more of a challenge in urban areas. And despite the findings above, four-day schedules might turn out to be more helpful to high school students than children in primary grades, who have shorter attention spans. For those children, teachers said, it would help to schedule meatier academic subjects early in the day, but it still means the later hours are likely to be less academically productive.
Four-day school weeks aren't an educational panacea, but they are intriguing. Even in Los Angeles, there might be individual schools where such an arrangement would lower dropout rates and perhaps give teenage students an opportunity to find part-time jobs. Some teachers might prefer it too, which would be a way to provide a benefit without additional cost.
California has 10 or so school districts, all with fewer than 500 students, that use the four-day week. It takes a new law each time a school district wants to try it. The state could make that simpler, ideally by allowing a couple of hundred schools to try the new schedule in a pilot program, and checking on the results in a few years. Real reform requires schools to break the mold, to test new ideas; here's one that's worth a try.
Copyright © 2011, Los Angeles Times
More than 120 school districts across the U.S. are finding that less can be more — less being fewer days spent in school.»
May 8, 2011
The general assumption is that when it comes to educating American kids, more is more. Longer school hours. Saturday school. Summer school. Yet more than 120 school districts across the nation are finding that less can also be more — less being fewer days spent in school.
The four-day school week has been around for decades, according to the National Council of State Legislatures, but it's quietly spreading as a money-saving tactic, especially after several states — including Montana, Georgia, Missouri and Washington — passed legislation allowing school districts to make the switch as long as they lengthened each school day so that there was no reduction in instructional hours. Teachers work just as much under the four-day plan, so there are no cost reductions there, but schools have saved from 2% to 9%, according to a 2009 report by the Center for Education Policy at the University of Southern Maine. Utility and transportation costs are lower; there's no need to serve a fifth lunch each week; even the reduced wear and tear on buildings has helped.
Here's the surprise: There appear to be educational benefits as well. Absenteeism among students and teachers in these schools has fallen appreciably, the report said. (As a result, schools also paid less money for substitute teachers.) Students reported feeling more positive about school. Dropout rates fell, students behaved better and participation in extracurricular activities rose. Parents of young children often objected to the change because of the need to find childcare, but once the programs were in place, the report said, they often found that it was easier to find care for one full day a week than for several partial days. Test scores didn't fall, and in many cases, they rose.
As promising as all this sounds, the findings are far from definitive. The four-day week has been tried mostly in tiny, rural school districts. Providing the necessary childcare could be more of a challenge in urban areas. And despite the findings above, four-day schedules might turn out to be more helpful to high school students than children in primary grades, who have shorter attention spans. For those children, teachers said, it would help to schedule meatier academic subjects early in the day, but it still means the later hours are likely to be less academically productive.
Four-day school weeks aren't an educational panacea, but they are intriguing. Even in Los Angeles, there might be individual schools where such an arrangement would lower dropout rates and perhaps give teenage students an opportunity to find part-time jobs. Some teachers might prefer it too, which would be a way to provide a benefit without additional cost.
California has 10 or so school districts, all with fewer than 500 students, that use the four-day week. It takes a new law each time a school district wants to try it. The state could make that simpler, ideally by allowing a couple of hundred schools to try the new schedule in a pilot program, and checking on the results in a few years. Real reform requires schools to break the mold, to test new ideas; here's one that's worth a try.
Copyright © 2011, Los Angeles Times
Saturday, April 30, 2011
This article reminds me how we are always finding a balance as a parent in quality time mixed with personal time mixed with never ending guilt.
Stop Putting Your Kids First
It wasn't too many years ago that parents believed children should be "seen and not heard." Now they've become the center of our universe. But these have not been good years for the parents who hover over their kids' every thought and action and become slaves to their every desire. According to recent studies, college students who have helicopter parents were more likely to be neurotic and dependent, and are "the least happy with college and ... are doing less well academically and socially."
I can read the T-shirt now: "I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on tutors, enrichment classes and Baby Einstein CDs and all I got was a neurotic kid."
But, forget about the poor kids -- Margaret K. Nelson, a sociology professor at Middlebury College and the author of Parenting Out of Control: Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times is much more worried about the parents -- specifically, the parents' marriage:
Working a demanding job while paying painstaking attention to one's children leaves little time for maintaining a marriage. A study by Robin Wilson of the Washington and Lee University School of Law reports that women with MBAs get divorced or separated more often than those who have only a bachelor's degree, while women with law or medical degrees are more likely to divorce or separate than their male counterparts.
Those kinds of statistics haven't gone unnoticed, so it's not surprising that there has been an increasingly vocal group challenging parents to change their ways, among them David Code, an Episcopal minister and family coach. In his 2009 book, Put Your Marriage Before Your Kids, Code writes, "To raise healthy kids, simply put your marriage first and your children second. For many of today's couples, the children are priority No. 1 one and marriage is priority No. 10 -- and few of us make it past the top three priorities on our daily to-do list."
Psychiatrist Michelle Goland agrees: "The mistake many moms make is they believe that if they are a good mother, their husband will be fine and he will understand, but in reality, the husband may feel pushed out of the parenting role and begrudgingly gives up trying to have a relationship with his wife."
Adds author and cognitive behaviorist Judith S. Beck, "Parents need not, and should not, sacrifice their needs (and some of their desires) for the sake of their children. They should be able to make decisions based on what is good for individual family members, including themselves, and what is good for the family as a whole."
It isn't necessarily easy for the moms who do that, however -- just ask author Ayelet Waldman, whose proclamation that she loves her husband, author Michael Chabon, more than their four kids caused such an outcry that she felt compelled to examine modern-day parenting in her book, Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace. Still, more and more parenting experts are encouraging parents to chill and refocus.
But what if you're divorced, as I am? What if you have no marriage to work on, no spouse to pamper and put first? What if there's just you? Can a divorced person put his or her needs first, before the kids?
I wouldn't want to admit to doing that too loudly at the next PTA gathering.
"Good" single parents are supposed to sacrifice for their kids, or so says single mom Shoshana Alexander, a founding editor of the Utne Reader. Researching for her book In Praise of Single Parents, she found that, "All of the successful single parents I interviewed ... had, early on, decided to make their children the central focus of their lives."
Somehow, that doesn't seem right -- or healthy.
Why would single parents have to go beyond the normal sacrifices that make up good parenting? A single mom who's frazzled trying to put her kids first isn't helping her kids; she's just making herself unhappy and unhealthy. And, as the saying goes, if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
But if single parents take care of our own needs, we're seen as selfish. Worse, we guilt-trip ourselves, believing that we're failing as a parent if we take time out for some personal indulgences, dating or even sex. It's worse if our kids don't see their other parent that much, or at all; it's easy to overcompensate while trying to take on the role of both parents. And so we fall into the single parent trap, forgetting that if we don't take care of ourselves, we turn into miserable, stressed-out, crappy parents.
I'd rather follow the advice of Kate Winslet, who says she started exercising post-divorce because "my way out of everything, has been really taking care of myself. I think that comes from an awareness that my children really need me, and they need me to be the healthiest version of myself that I can possibly be."
It's why airlines tell parents to put on their oxygen mask first before they assist their kids. You're not going to be much use to them if you pass out first.
Stop Putting Your Kids First
It wasn't too many years ago that parents believed children should be "seen and not heard." Now they've become the center of our universe. But these have not been good years for the parents who hover over their kids' every thought and action and become slaves to their every desire. According to recent studies, college students who have helicopter parents were more likely to be neurotic and dependent, and are "the least happy with college and ... are doing less well academically and socially."
I can read the T-shirt now: "I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on tutors, enrichment classes and Baby Einstein CDs and all I got was a neurotic kid."
But, forget about the poor kids -- Margaret K. Nelson, a sociology professor at Middlebury College and the author of Parenting Out of Control: Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times is much more worried about the parents -- specifically, the parents' marriage:
Working a demanding job while paying painstaking attention to one's children leaves little time for maintaining a marriage. A study by Robin Wilson of the Washington and Lee University School of Law reports that women with MBAs get divorced or separated more often than those who have only a bachelor's degree, while women with law or medical degrees are more likely to divorce or separate than their male counterparts.
Those kinds of statistics haven't gone unnoticed, so it's not surprising that there has been an increasingly vocal group challenging parents to change their ways, among them David Code, an Episcopal minister and family coach. In his 2009 book, Put Your Marriage Before Your Kids, Code writes, "To raise healthy kids, simply put your marriage first and your children second. For many of today's couples, the children are priority No. 1 one and marriage is priority No. 10 -- and few of us make it past the top three priorities on our daily to-do list."
Psychiatrist Michelle Goland agrees: "The mistake many moms make is they believe that if they are a good mother, their husband will be fine and he will understand, but in reality, the husband may feel pushed out of the parenting role and begrudgingly gives up trying to have a relationship with his wife."
Adds author and cognitive behaviorist Judith S. Beck, "Parents need not, and should not, sacrifice their needs (and some of their desires) for the sake of their children. They should be able to make decisions based on what is good for individual family members, including themselves, and what is good for the family as a whole."
It isn't necessarily easy for the moms who do that, however -- just ask author Ayelet Waldman, whose proclamation that she loves her husband, author Michael Chabon, more than their four kids caused such an outcry that she felt compelled to examine modern-day parenting in her book, Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace. Still, more and more parenting experts are encouraging parents to chill and refocus.
But what if you're divorced, as I am? What if you have no marriage to work on, no spouse to pamper and put first? What if there's just you? Can a divorced person put his or her needs first, before the kids?
I wouldn't want to admit to doing that too loudly at the next PTA gathering.
"Good" single parents are supposed to sacrifice for their kids, or so says single mom Shoshana Alexander, a founding editor of the Utne Reader. Researching for her book In Praise of Single Parents, she found that, "All of the successful single parents I interviewed ... had, early on, decided to make their children the central focus of their lives."
Somehow, that doesn't seem right -- or healthy.
Why would single parents have to go beyond the normal sacrifices that make up good parenting? A single mom who's frazzled trying to put her kids first isn't helping her kids; she's just making herself unhappy and unhealthy. And, as the saying goes, if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
But if single parents take care of our own needs, we're seen as selfish. Worse, we guilt-trip ourselves, believing that we're failing as a parent if we take time out for some personal indulgences, dating or even sex. It's worse if our kids don't see their other parent that much, or at all; it's easy to overcompensate while trying to take on the role of both parents. And so we fall into the single parent trap, forgetting that if we don't take care of ourselves, we turn into miserable, stressed-out, crappy parents.
I'd rather follow the advice of Kate Winslet, who says she started exercising post-divorce because "my way out of everything, has been really taking care of myself. I think that comes from an awareness that my children really need me, and they need me to be the healthiest version of myself that I can possibly be."
It's why airlines tell parents to put on their oxygen mask first before they assist their kids. You're not going to be much use to them if you pass out first.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
End Homework Hassle
I like how this article stresses routines. Kids need routines, no matter what they say, all kids need consistency in their lives. I hope you find some helpful tips here.
End Homework Hassle
After seven hours in the classroom, who wants to sit down and do homework? Certainly not most 6- to 8-year-olds. They would rather play with their friends, participate in an after-school activity, or simply unwind in front of the TV. Because let's face it: Homework may help your child learn, but it's still a major chore.
"Kids this age are getting used to the idea of having to do assignments on their own," says Cathryn Tobin, MD, author of The Parent's Problem Solver: Smart Solutions for Everyday Discipline and Behavior Problems. "And many of them are more concerned with socializing than with schoolwork."
So don't be too surprised if your child complains about her workload: According to a survey by Public Agenda, a nonprofit research organization, almost half of parents said they have serious arguments with their children about homework. But it doesn't need to be a source of stress. These strategies will make studying a lot easier on you both.
* Start with a snack and exercise. You can't expect your child to focus when he has an empty stomach. Robin Lanahan, of Portland, Oregon, keeps turkey jerky, protein bars, bottled water, and trail mix in the car for her son, Owen, 7. "He's always starving when I pick him up from school, so the first thing I do is give him something to eat," she says. Lanahan then lets Owen run around the playground for a while. "By the time we walk in the door, he's ready to do his homework."
* Establish a routine. Ask your child to suggest a regular time when she'd like to do her schoolwork (such as when you're making dinner). Have a backup plan in place for days when she has a piano lesson or soccer practice. If your child has a playdate, suggest that the kids take a break to do their homework together. And your child may want to do his reading assignment on the ride home from school, since this makes good use of "dead time."
* Help him get organized. Set up a well-lit work area that includes a desk, sharpened pencils and erasers, a children's dictionary, and color-coded folders for different subjects. And let your child do homework at the kitchen table if he wants to. Just make sure he works independently rather than taking advantage of this location to ask you endless questions.
* Put her in charge. The most important purpose of homework is to teach your child responsibility for completing an assignment. If she forgets to bring home her spelling words, have her call a friend to get them. While it's fine to offer gentle reminders ("Remember that you have math and reading assignments on Wednesdays"), don't nag your child to get her work done. Let her deal with the consequences if she doesn't.
* Free up his schedule. If your child has too many extracurricular activities, he'll have trouble finding time for homework. He'll also miss out on downtime, which is important for sparking creative thinking. To keep Owen from feeling overscheduled, Lanahan limits him to just one extracurricular activity that takes place no more than twice a week. "On the other days, he comes home, does his homework, then plays outside with his friends," she says.
* Don't break it up. Once your child begins her homework, encourage her to complete it before getting on the computer or playing "one quick video game." Rather than refreshing a child's focus, frequent or lengthy breaks can distract her and make it easy for her to procrastinate.
* Be a role model. When her son, Ari, 7, is working on his math homework, Julie Hoffman, of Baton Rouge, makes a point of sorting her mail and paying bills. "I want him to see me working alongside him and to know that what he's doing will have a practical application in his life," she says.
* Stay positive. Praise your child's good work, and don't overreact to his errors. When he asks you to test him on his spelling words, say "great" each time he gets one right. If he makes a mistake, say "almost," spell it correctly, and have him try again.
* Give her guidance, not answers. It's fine to assist your child with her homework, but never do an assignment for her. "This robs a child of her pride of ownership of the task and creates a pattern that is hard to break," says Cathy Vatterott, PhD, associate professor of education at the University of Missouri-St. Louis. "Homework is her job, not yours."
Does your child have too much homework?
The National Education Association and the PTA recommend a maximum of 10 minutes of homework per grade level per night. But according to a University of Michigan study, many kids this age are doing up to three times that amount. If your child seems stressed out by her workload, your first step is to attach a note to the assignment, indicating how much time your child spent on the work and why you think she had trouble ("It was too complex"). If you don't hear back, schedule a face-to-face conference with the teacher. This will help you understand her approach to assignments and is often the best way to work out a compromise. Your last resort is to lobby the PTA. Rallying other parents to the cause may force the principal to take action.
Copyright © 2006 Meredith Corporation. Originally published in the October 2006 issue of Parents magazine.
End Homework Hassle
After seven hours in the classroom, who wants to sit down and do homework? Certainly not most 6- to 8-year-olds. They would rather play with their friends, participate in an after-school activity, or simply unwind in front of the TV. Because let's face it: Homework may help your child learn, but it's still a major chore.
"Kids this age are getting used to the idea of having to do assignments on their own," says Cathryn Tobin, MD, author of The Parent's Problem Solver: Smart Solutions for Everyday Discipline and Behavior Problems. "And many of them are more concerned with socializing than with schoolwork."
So don't be too surprised if your child complains about her workload: According to a survey by Public Agenda, a nonprofit research organization, almost half of parents said they have serious arguments with their children about homework. But it doesn't need to be a source of stress. These strategies will make studying a lot easier on you both.
* Start with a snack and exercise. You can't expect your child to focus when he has an empty stomach. Robin Lanahan, of Portland, Oregon, keeps turkey jerky, protein bars, bottled water, and trail mix in the car for her son, Owen, 7. "He's always starving when I pick him up from school, so the first thing I do is give him something to eat," she says. Lanahan then lets Owen run around the playground for a while. "By the time we walk in the door, he's ready to do his homework."
* Establish a routine. Ask your child to suggest a regular time when she'd like to do her schoolwork (such as when you're making dinner). Have a backup plan in place for days when she has a piano lesson or soccer practice. If your child has a playdate, suggest that the kids take a break to do their homework together. And your child may want to do his reading assignment on the ride home from school, since this makes good use of "dead time."
* Help him get organized. Set up a well-lit work area that includes a desk, sharpened pencils and erasers, a children's dictionary, and color-coded folders for different subjects. And let your child do homework at the kitchen table if he wants to. Just make sure he works independently rather than taking advantage of this location to ask you endless questions.
* Put her in charge. The most important purpose of homework is to teach your child responsibility for completing an assignment. If she forgets to bring home her spelling words, have her call a friend to get them. While it's fine to offer gentle reminders ("Remember that you have math and reading assignments on Wednesdays"), don't nag your child to get her work done. Let her deal with the consequences if she doesn't.
* Free up his schedule. If your child has too many extracurricular activities, he'll have trouble finding time for homework. He'll also miss out on downtime, which is important for sparking creative thinking. To keep Owen from feeling overscheduled, Lanahan limits him to just one extracurricular activity that takes place no more than twice a week. "On the other days, he comes home, does his homework, then plays outside with his friends," she says.
* Don't break it up. Once your child begins her homework, encourage her to complete it before getting on the computer or playing "one quick video game." Rather than refreshing a child's focus, frequent or lengthy breaks can distract her and make it easy for her to procrastinate.
* Be a role model. When her son, Ari, 7, is working on his math homework, Julie Hoffman, of Baton Rouge, makes a point of sorting her mail and paying bills. "I want him to see me working alongside him and to know that what he's doing will have a practical application in his life," she says.
* Stay positive. Praise your child's good work, and don't overreact to his errors. When he asks you to test him on his spelling words, say "great" each time he gets one right. If he makes a mistake, say "almost," spell it correctly, and have him try again.
* Give her guidance, not answers. It's fine to assist your child with her homework, but never do an assignment for her. "This robs a child of her pride of ownership of the task and creates a pattern that is hard to break," says Cathy Vatterott, PhD, associate professor of education at the University of Missouri-St. Louis. "Homework is her job, not yours."
Does your child have too much homework?
The National Education Association and the PTA recommend a maximum of 10 minutes of homework per grade level per night. But according to a University of Michigan study, many kids this age are doing up to three times that amount. If your child seems stressed out by her workload, your first step is to attach a note to the assignment, indicating how much time your child spent on the work and why you think she had trouble ("It was too complex"). If you don't hear back, schedule a face-to-face conference with the teacher. This will help you understand her approach to assignments and is often the best way to work out a compromise. Your last resort is to lobby the PTA. Rallying other parents to the cause may force the principal to take action.
Copyright © 2006 Meredith Corporation. Originally published in the October 2006 issue of Parents magazine.
Win the Homework Wars
I like this article as it offers suggestions to parents on how to adjust homework time to the child's temperament.
Parents Magazine, February 2011
As a mom of seven, I'm a seasoned veteran of the homework trenches. I've valiantly soldiered on despite my kids' complaints about hundreds of take-home tests and hands-on projects. When it comes to hitting the books, it's clear from early on that what's effective with one child doesn't necessarily work with another. Knowing your kid's best study style can help reduce school-night skirmishes and set your young scholar up for success.
Studying Strategies
The Procrastinator
This kid dreams up so many things to do after school that there's just no time left for homework. By the end of the night, he hasn't completed any assignments, yet he feels that he's not to blame.
Battle Plan Tell your child he has just one hour a day to fill with other activities before buckling down to work. Set the timer, and strictly adhere to it. If he's constantly stalling by calling other kids to get the assignment, ask his teacher to give you a list of the week's work. (Some post the info on the school's website.)
You might think a procrastinator would be more efficient in a quiet place, but some do better in a noisy area, says Cathy Quinn, a tutor in Ossining, New York. One of her students works at the kitchen table. With his mom nearby and a lot of foot traffic, he stops making excuses and digs in. "Being in a busy environment helps him focus," Quinn says.
The Whiner
The minute she unzips her backpack, the gripes start to flow -- her teacher is too unfair, the work is too boring, her classmates are too bossy. She'll continue to nitpick until bedtime, when you'll realize that her homework is barely finished.
Battle Plan Suggest that she visualize putting all the unhappy parts of her day into a big box, and invite her to tell you about them once her homework is done. If she starts to complain before her assignments are completed, remind her that complaining isn't allowed until she's finished her work. Once she has, let her moan and groan to her heart's content.
That said, don't automatically discount your child's bellyaching. If she frequently doesn't understand the assignments or has a staggering amount of work, help her figure out what's expected and check in with her teacher about the level of the homework.
The Delegator
It seems like this kid is actually game to tackle assignments until you realize that you're the one doing all the work.
Battle Plan He's figured out that you can get his duties done faster -- and better -- than he can, so he'll nicely solicit your assistance. "If you find that you're always getting conned into doing your child's work, call him on it," says Tracy Dennis, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Hunter College of the City University of New York. Boosting his confidence is key. "Reassure him that you're not leaving him high and dry and that you're willing to make it a team effort -- if he takes the lead," she says.
The Hurrier
She's so eager to get to the fun part of the evening that she rushes through her assignments. As a result, they're barely legible, riddled with errors, and often misplaced entirely.
Battle Plan Establish how much TV watching, video-game playing, or other entertainment your child is permitted during each weekday. Encourage her to take her time with her homework and remind her that even if she finishes it in a flash, she still won't be allowed additional time in front of the TV, for example. Once your child sees that there's nothing to be gained by rushing, she may pace herself on her own.
You might also try breaking her homework into parts. For example, give her three math problems to solve, then ask her to check her work before asking her to work on three more. "This will help your child get in the habit of slowing down a little," says Quinn.
The Perfectionist
This student hyperfocuses, spending so long on one project that other assignments go undone. As the night wears on and you both realize that there's a lot of untouched homework, he has a meltdown -- and you come close to one.
Battle Plan Help your child see the big picture by writing down the day's assignments on a large sheet of paper, using a different color marker for each subject. Together, map out the total amount of time he'll spend on his homework and roughly how long he should devote to each task.
"Let your child know that everything he does doesn't have to be flawless," suggests Dr. Dennis. Try to tone down your praise when he gets something right -- this should temper his emotions when he gets something wrong. Also turn his mistakes into lessons, Dr. Dennis advises. If he gets an incorrect answer, say, "That's not quite right. How else can we approach it?" Your question will invite him to think creatively about how to rework the problem.
Originally published in the February 2011 issue of Parents magazine.
Parents Magazine, February 2011
As a mom of seven, I'm a seasoned veteran of the homework trenches. I've valiantly soldiered on despite my kids' complaints about hundreds of take-home tests and hands-on projects. When it comes to hitting the books, it's clear from early on that what's effective with one child doesn't necessarily work with another. Knowing your kid's best study style can help reduce school-night skirmishes and set your young scholar up for success.
Studying Strategies
The Procrastinator
This kid dreams up so many things to do after school that there's just no time left for homework. By the end of the night, he hasn't completed any assignments, yet he feels that he's not to blame.
Battle Plan Tell your child he has just one hour a day to fill with other activities before buckling down to work. Set the timer, and strictly adhere to it. If he's constantly stalling by calling other kids to get the assignment, ask his teacher to give you a list of the week's work. (Some post the info on the school's website.)
You might think a procrastinator would be more efficient in a quiet place, but some do better in a noisy area, says Cathy Quinn, a tutor in Ossining, New York. One of her students works at the kitchen table. With his mom nearby and a lot of foot traffic, he stops making excuses and digs in. "Being in a busy environment helps him focus," Quinn says.
The Whiner
The minute she unzips her backpack, the gripes start to flow -- her teacher is too unfair, the work is too boring, her classmates are too bossy. She'll continue to nitpick until bedtime, when you'll realize that her homework is barely finished.
Battle Plan Suggest that she visualize putting all the unhappy parts of her day into a big box, and invite her to tell you about them once her homework is done. If she starts to complain before her assignments are completed, remind her that complaining isn't allowed until she's finished her work. Once she has, let her moan and groan to her heart's content.
That said, don't automatically discount your child's bellyaching. If she frequently doesn't understand the assignments or has a staggering amount of work, help her figure out what's expected and check in with her teacher about the level of the homework.
The Delegator
It seems like this kid is actually game to tackle assignments until you realize that you're the one doing all the work.
Battle Plan He's figured out that you can get his duties done faster -- and better -- than he can, so he'll nicely solicit your assistance. "If you find that you're always getting conned into doing your child's work, call him on it," says Tracy Dennis, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Hunter College of the City University of New York. Boosting his confidence is key. "Reassure him that you're not leaving him high and dry and that you're willing to make it a team effort -- if he takes the lead," she says.
The Hurrier
She's so eager to get to the fun part of the evening that she rushes through her assignments. As a result, they're barely legible, riddled with errors, and often misplaced entirely.
Battle Plan Establish how much TV watching, video-game playing, or other entertainment your child is permitted during each weekday. Encourage her to take her time with her homework and remind her that even if she finishes it in a flash, she still won't be allowed additional time in front of the TV, for example. Once your child sees that there's nothing to be gained by rushing, she may pace herself on her own.
You might also try breaking her homework into parts. For example, give her three math problems to solve, then ask her to check her work before asking her to work on three more. "This will help your child get in the habit of slowing down a little," says Quinn.
The Perfectionist
This student hyperfocuses, spending so long on one project that other assignments go undone. As the night wears on and you both realize that there's a lot of untouched homework, he has a meltdown -- and you come close to one.
Battle Plan Help your child see the big picture by writing down the day's assignments on a large sheet of paper, using a different color marker for each subject. Together, map out the total amount of time he'll spend on his homework and roughly how long he should devote to each task.
"Let your child know that everything he does doesn't have to be flawless," suggests Dr. Dennis. Try to tone down your praise when he gets something right -- this should temper his emotions when he gets something wrong. Also turn his mistakes into lessons, Dr. Dennis advises. If he gets an incorrect answer, say, "That's not quite right. How else can we approach it?" Your question will invite him to think creatively about how to rework the problem.
Originally published in the February 2011 issue of Parents magazine.
Monday, March 28, 2011
"Superman" Super Fails
I took this article from the Redbook magazines website. I believe the movie is sending a biased and incorrect view of how most teaches are and their dedication to their career. If you go to the link, there is an article you can read from the parent's perspective, which shows how effective the movie was in skewing the public's opinion of teachers and their union.
"Every film needs a villain, but this one’s got it wrong."
I recently went to go see Waiting for "Superman" with a friend of mine who’s also a teacher in the New York City public school system. When we walked into the theatre, I was excited to see what all of the buzz and controversy was about. I couldn’t wait for the movie to expose all of the issues that public school teachers have to deal with on a daily basis. Walking out was a different story. I had a hard time pinpointing all the different nerves the film hit, but I knew one thing — by the time the credits rolled, I was scared.
Scared? Well, yeah. For one thing, I was scared that the movie sent the wrong message about people like me who are dedicating our lives to public education. I was also scared that anyone who sees the film will start to look at teachers as the enemies, and stop working with us to help us succeed at improving the system we’ve been dealt. Davis Guggenheim, the film’s creator, made it clear that we have to get rid of bad teachers and I could not agree more. But what about the good ones? How do we help them? This country needs to work hard at attracting and retaining bright, motivated teachers in the classroom — not demonizing them. Trust me on this, in most cases, teachers are not the enemy.
For all of the important muckraking that the documentary provides, Guggenheim left out a glaringly obvious perspective — that of American teacher. He had “experts” talk about reform, he gave parents a voice where they don’t normally have one, and he provided the platform for former teachers like Geoffrey Canada and Michelle Rhee to explain how they can “fix” education. (For the record, suggesting that there’s one resolution to this deep-rooted problem is totally delusional).
Guggenheim blatantly left out the people on the front lines, the teachers, and by doing so, made us out to be the bad guys. I’m normally a big fan of Guggenheim’s work, but come on: How can you make a film about education without talking to the people who are running the classrooms now? The movie only focuses on bad teachers, and leaves out the ones who are doing their best without the support, training, and supplies they need to be successful. It’s time for people to realize that when our country sets teachers up for failure, they also set children up for failure.
The film also failed to show the obstacles public school teachers overcome every day. Many teachers are constantly dealing with uncooperative parents (unlike the dedicated parents in the movie) who do little to nothing to support their child’s academic success at home. Hilary Clinton coined the phrase “it takes a village” in the mid 1990’s, but somehow reformers have forgotten how true that saying is. Teachers are expected to do a village’s job...alone. In addition to working with children who come from difficult circumstances, teachers are often not given the supplies they need, even though local districts and states are somehow spending more money per-pupil than ever before. And finally (I’m running out of breath here), many public school teachers often have to deal with unimaginable working conditions that no child should have to learn in and no adult should have to work in.
So here’s my take: Sure, there are bad teachers. And of course, our country’s education system needs a major overhaul. But let’s not ignore the fact that there are tons (and I mean TONS) of teachers out there trying to provide kids with a solid education — many of whom are doing so with minimal resources in overcrowded classrooms in dilapidated buildings. My favorite line in the movie was “Great schools come from great people.” Let’s work together to keep those great teachers in the classroom instead of ostracizing them.
"Every film needs a villain, but this one’s got it wrong."
I recently went to go see Waiting for "Superman" with a friend of mine who’s also a teacher in the New York City public school system. When we walked into the theatre, I was excited to see what all of the buzz and controversy was about. I couldn’t wait for the movie to expose all of the issues that public school teachers have to deal with on a daily basis. Walking out was a different story. I had a hard time pinpointing all the different nerves the film hit, but I knew one thing — by the time the credits rolled, I was scared.
Scared? Well, yeah. For one thing, I was scared that the movie sent the wrong message about people like me who are dedicating our lives to public education. I was also scared that anyone who sees the film will start to look at teachers as the enemies, and stop working with us to help us succeed at improving the system we’ve been dealt. Davis Guggenheim, the film’s creator, made it clear that we have to get rid of bad teachers and I could not agree more. But what about the good ones? How do we help them? This country needs to work hard at attracting and retaining bright, motivated teachers in the classroom — not demonizing them. Trust me on this, in most cases, teachers are not the enemy.
For all of the important muckraking that the documentary provides, Guggenheim left out a glaringly obvious perspective — that of American teacher. He had “experts” talk about reform, he gave parents a voice where they don’t normally have one, and he provided the platform for former teachers like Geoffrey Canada and Michelle Rhee to explain how they can “fix” education. (For the record, suggesting that there’s one resolution to this deep-rooted problem is totally delusional).
Guggenheim blatantly left out the people on the front lines, the teachers, and by doing so, made us out to be the bad guys. I’m normally a big fan of Guggenheim’s work, but come on: How can you make a film about education without talking to the people who are running the classrooms now? The movie only focuses on bad teachers, and leaves out the ones who are doing their best without the support, training, and supplies they need to be successful. It’s time for people to realize that when our country sets teachers up for failure, they also set children up for failure.
The film also failed to show the obstacles public school teachers overcome every day. Many teachers are constantly dealing with uncooperative parents (unlike the dedicated parents in the movie) who do little to nothing to support their child’s academic success at home. Hilary Clinton coined the phrase “it takes a village” in the mid 1990’s, but somehow reformers have forgotten how true that saying is. Teachers are expected to do a village’s job...alone. In addition to working with children who come from difficult circumstances, teachers are often not given the supplies they need, even though local districts and states are somehow spending more money per-pupil than ever before. And finally (I’m running out of breath here), many public school teachers often have to deal with unimaginable working conditions that no child should have to learn in and no adult should have to work in.
So here’s my take: Sure, there are bad teachers. And of course, our country’s education system needs a major overhaul. But let’s not ignore the fact that there are tons (and I mean TONS) of teachers out there trying to provide kids with a solid education — many of whom are doing so with minimal resources in overcrowded classrooms in dilapidated buildings. My favorite line in the movie was “Great schools come from great people.” Let’s work together to keep those great teachers in the classroom instead of ostracizing them.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I liked this article from Redbook (Sept 2010) because it spoke of the balance needed between both parents to raise a family successfully.
7 Secrets of Low-Stress Families
It was the first experiment of its kind: Thirty-two California families opened their doors (their front doors, bedroom doors, even bathroom doors) to researchers from UCLA who wanted to find out how they manage the demands of work and family life. With a three-person crew, researchers occupied families' homes for four days from morning until bedtime, recording every minute spent folding laundry, every homework panic, every dinner table dispute about the yuckiness of vegetables. The researchers conducted interviews with each of the family members and measured their stress levels throughout the day. The families were studied between 2002 and 2005; each had two working parents, two or more children, and a mortgage — a profile that looks like many American households. "When I observed these families, I felt like I was looking in at my own life," says lead researcher Tami Kremer-Sadlik, Ph.D., director of research at UCLA's Center on the Everyday Lives of Families. "I'm a working mom with two children, and I could identify with the women we studied who reported feeling pressed for time and who were trying to balance work and family demands." But among those stressful moments, researchers also saw the key instances of warmth and love that make great families. And as Kremer-Sadlik and other female researchers who had their own families found out, getting a glimpse into the lives of other families gives us a unique perspective on how to better take care of our own. Use what they learned to calm stress and create joy in your house.
1. Low-stress couples don't divvy up the chores.
For one part of the project, Kremer-Sadlik and a colleague studied how couples' division of housework was connected to their marital satisfaction. "Surprisingly, it didn't matter how evenly couples split up the chores," Kremer-Sadlik says. "We found that both spouses were happier when both felt like they were working toward the same goal, regardless of who did more" (and women did more across the board). "The women in happy marriages told us that their spouses seemed to have an understanding of what needed to be done. We observed their husbands setting the table while their wife was cooking, or straightening up without being told what to do." Sound too good to be true? Know that just talking about your joint mission for the family can eliminate much of the "keeping score" conflict. "The happy couples often discussed their shared goals for their family," she says. "There was more of a we-ness there — and that spilled over into chores. Their attitude was more, 'We do for our family,' not, 'I do this for you.'" But with two working parents' and children's schedules to coordinate, researcher Darby Saxbe, Ph.D., a 33-year-old mom from Los Angeles, observed many couples communicating only about who needed to do what. "It felt like they were running a business!" Saxbe says. "Squeezing in little moments of fun with your partner — whether you steal a quick kiss or exchange a joke — makes a difference." And researchers noticed that in some homes where the wives expressed more appreciation, the husbands also took on more household tasks.
2. Low-stress families find small moments of togetherness.
Every mom fantasizes about taking the perfect family vacation or spending a blissed-out day with her husband and kids. But real-life bonding time is made up of much smaller events. "I think a lot of us have this idea that we need to create big moments of togetherness, but we saw so many times that families had opportunities to connect throughout the day that they weren't aware of," Kremer-Sadlik says. Those small moments might be the 10 minutes you spend braiding your daughter's hair or your time spent cheering on your son at his Little League game. "I remember one moment when a daughter and mom were folding laundry, and the daughter stuck her foot in a sock and challenged her mom to find her foot among the pile of laundry," she recalls. "It was a loving moment of laughing and playing around in the midst of daily life."
Belinda Campos, Ph.D., whose focus in the study was family relationships, noticed the same thing. "There's this cultural ideal of wanting to carve out quality time," says the 36-year-old from Irvine, CA. "But many families overlooked the daily stuff that keeps you connected." One example was the way families reacted when dads came home from work. "There were two types of behaviors among the families: those where the wives and children greeted the dad with a warm hello, and those where the children never got up from their video games and the wives greeted Dad with logistics like, 'Did you pick up the chicken for dinner?'" Campos says. "But those seconds after Dad walked in the door may have shaped his mood for the night. It's such a small thing; that's the moment to acknowledge that a person is coming into a place where he matters."
3. Low-stress parents are role models — not pals.
Treating your partner with respect is not only good for your marriage — it also actually affects the whole family dynamic. "When spouses showed patience and support, as opposed to being impatient, sarcastic, or critical, their children were more respectful toward them, and the smoother the households ran," Kremer-Sadlik says of her findings from a previous study. "Their mini goals throughout the day, such as getting dinner on the table or finishing homework, ran more smoothly and more pleasantly." The same was true for parents who set the rules for the kids, as opposed to those who let their children help make the decisions. "When parents delegated chores to their children, rather than asking them which chores they wanted to do, there were fewer tantrums and arguments," Campos says. "There was still affection and humor in homes where parents were the bosses, but there was never a question of who was in charge."
4. Low-stress moms make dinner from scratch.
Believe it or not, using processed convenience foods for dinner doesn't actually save you cooking time. That's what really surprised 39-year-old mom and researcher Margaret Beck, whose focus for the study was food preparation. "All the families spent roughly one hour preparing dinner, whether they used processed foods or fresh ingredients," she says. The moms who prepared more convenience foods tended to overcompensate by having more courses — either side dishes or separate meals for the kids — which wasted time. And if you want your children to eat what's on the table: "The kids who assisted in the food preparation always ate what was served," Beck says. "And the mood in the house was lighter and happier when the kids spend cooking time in the kitchen." Talk about a win-win!
5. Low-stress moms take five minutes of me time.
There's a secret to being fully present and enjoying family life after a demanding day at work: "The findings suggested that when women unwound alone for 5 or 10 minutes, it set a positive tone for the rest of the night," says researcher Shu-wen Wang, a 28-year-old mom from Los Angeles who helped review more than 1,540 hours of footage. "Moms reported unwinding by exercising, gardening, or having a candy bar — not that I recommend that last approach! I always felt selfish taking time for me, especially after working all day, but this study proved to me how healthy it is for moms and their families."
6. Low-stress families watch TV together.
If you feel guilty every time your family plops in front a television after a long day rather than doing something more interactive, don't sweat it. "Families who watched TV together showed many bonding behaviors," Campos says. "Bonding can be sharing snacks, high-fiving each other if the Lakers score a basket, or guessing trivia questions together during Jeopardy!" Even sitcoms can bring you closer. "When families laugh together during a TV show, that's a shared moment they have in common, and it creates a memory," she says. So on days where you just can't muster the energy to recruit the kids for crazy 8's or kickball in the yard, know that a little TV time can be good for your family too.
7. Low-stress families embrace daily rituals.
"I used to believe that spontaneity and excitement were what kept couples connected, but it's truly the routine and continuity that set the foundation for making family relationships thrive," Wang says. "Whether it was a couple sitting down at the end of the day with a cup of coffee or parents reading a bedtime story to their children, these little moments are what make family life so comforting and kept couples close." Sometimes, the mad-dash moments seem to define our days, but "it's only when we find moments to slow down that we can fully appreciate those everyday moments that make a family," Saxbe says. "I remember watching a mom kissing her son and tucking him into bed. The son responded, 'I want another kiss, Mommy!' So the mom kissed him again. They repeated this five or six times — it was so sweet! Watching this made me appreciate how lucky I am to have a family I care about and how I how important it is to cherish these little moments of love when they come along."
7 Secrets of Low-Stress Families
It was the first experiment of its kind: Thirty-two California families opened their doors (their front doors, bedroom doors, even bathroom doors) to researchers from UCLA who wanted to find out how they manage the demands of work and family life. With a three-person crew, researchers occupied families' homes for four days from morning until bedtime, recording every minute spent folding laundry, every homework panic, every dinner table dispute about the yuckiness of vegetables. The researchers conducted interviews with each of the family members and measured their stress levels throughout the day. The families were studied between 2002 and 2005; each had two working parents, two or more children, and a mortgage — a profile that looks like many American households. "When I observed these families, I felt like I was looking in at my own life," says lead researcher Tami Kremer-Sadlik, Ph.D., director of research at UCLA's Center on the Everyday Lives of Families. "I'm a working mom with two children, and I could identify with the women we studied who reported feeling pressed for time and who were trying to balance work and family demands." But among those stressful moments, researchers also saw the key instances of warmth and love that make great families. And as Kremer-Sadlik and other female researchers who had their own families found out, getting a glimpse into the lives of other families gives us a unique perspective on how to better take care of our own. Use what they learned to calm stress and create joy in your house.
1. Low-stress couples don't divvy up the chores.
For one part of the project, Kremer-Sadlik and a colleague studied how couples' division of housework was connected to their marital satisfaction. "Surprisingly, it didn't matter how evenly couples split up the chores," Kremer-Sadlik says. "We found that both spouses were happier when both felt like they were working toward the same goal, regardless of who did more" (and women did more across the board). "The women in happy marriages told us that their spouses seemed to have an understanding of what needed to be done. We observed their husbands setting the table while their wife was cooking, or straightening up without being told what to do." Sound too good to be true? Know that just talking about your joint mission for the family can eliminate much of the "keeping score" conflict. "The happy couples often discussed their shared goals for their family," she says. "There was more of a we-ness there — and that spilled over into chores. Their attitude was more, 'We do for our family,' not, 'I do this for you.'" But with two working parents' and children's schedules to coordinate, researcher Darby Saxbe, Ph.D., a 33-year-old mom from Los Angeles, observed many couples communicating only about who needed to do what. "It felt like they were running a business!" Saxbe says. "Squeezing in little moments of fun with your partner — whether you steal a quick kiss or exchange a joke — makes a difference." And researchers noticed that in some homes where the wives expressed more appreciation, the husbands also took on more household tasks.
2. Low-stress families find small moments of togetherness.
Every mom fantasizes about taking the perfect family vacation or spending a blissed-out day with her husband and kids. But real-life bonding time is made up of much smaller events. "I think a lot of us have this idea that we need to create big moments of togetherness, but we saw so many times that families had opportunities to connect throughout the day that they weren't aware of," Kremer-Sadlik says. Those small moments might be the 10 minutes you spend braiding your daughter's hair or your time spent cheering on your son at his Little League game. "I remember one moment when a daughter and mom were folding laundry, and the daughter stuck her foot in a sock and challenged her mom to find her foot among the pile of laundry," she recalls. "It was a loving moment of laughing and playing around in the midst of daily life."
Belinda Campos, Ph.D., whose focus in the study was family relationships, noticed the same thing. "There's this cultural ideal of wanting to carve out quality time," says the 36-year-old from Irvine, CA. "But many families overlooked the daily stuff that keeps you connected." One example was the way families reacted when dads came home from work. "There were two types of behaviors among the families: those where the wives and children greeted the dad with a warm hello, and those where the children never got up from their video games and the wives greeted Dad with logistics like, 'Did you pick up the chicken for dinner?'" Campos says. "But those seconds after Dad walked in the door may have shaped his mood for the night. It's such a small thing; that's the moment to acknowledge that a person is coming into a place where he matters."
3. Low-stress parents are role models — not pals.
Treating your partner with respect is not only good for your marriage — it also actually affects the whole family dynamic. "When spouses showed patience and support, as opposed to being impatient, sarcastic, or critical, their children were more respectful toward them, and the smoother the households ran," Kremer-Sadlik says of her findings from a previous study. "Their mini goals throughout the day, such as getting dinner on the table or finishing homework, ran more smoothly and more pleasantly." The same was true for parents who set the rules for the kids, as opposed to those who let their children help make the decisions. "When parents delegated chores to their children, rather than asking them which chores they wanted to do, there were fewer tantrums and arguments," Campos says. "There was still affection and humor in homes where parents were the bosses, but there was never a question of who was in charge."
4. Low-stress moms make dinner from scratch.
Believe it or not, using processed convenience foods for dinner doesn't actually save you cooking time. That's what really surprised 39-year-old mom and researcher Margaret Beck, whose focus for the study was food preparation. "All the families spent roughly one hour preparing dinner, whether they used processed foods or fresh ingredients," she says. The moms who prepared more convenience foods tended to overcompensate by having more courses — either side dishes or separate meals for the kids — which wasted time. And if you want your children to eat what's on the table: "The kids who assisted in the food preparation always ate what was served," Beck says. "And the mood in the house was lighter and happier when the kids spend cooking time in the kitchen." Talk about a win-win!
5. Low-stress moms take five minutes of me time.
There's a secret to being fully present and enjoying family life after a demanding day at work: "The findings suggested that when women unwound alone for 5 or 10 minutes, it set a positive tone for the rest of the night," says researcher Shu-wen Wang, a 28-year-old mom from Los Angeles who helped review more than 1,540 hours of footage. "Moms reported unwinding by exercising, gardening, or having a candy bar — not that I recommend that last approach! I always felt selfish taking time for me, especially after working all day, but this study proved to me how healthy it is for moms and their families."
6. Low-stress families watch TV together.
If you feel guilty every time your family plops in front a television after a long day rather than doing something more interactive, don't sweat it. "Families who watched TV together showed many bonding behaviors," Campos says. "Bonding can be sharing snacks, high-fiving each other if the Lakers score a basket, or guessing trivia questions together during Jeopardy!" Even sitcoms can bring you closer. "When families laugh together during a TV show, that's a shared moment they have in common, and it creates a memory," she says. So on days where you just can't muster the energy to recruit the kids for crazy 8's or kickball in the yard, know that a little TV time can be good for your family too.
7. Low-stress families embrace daily rituals.
"I used to believe that spontaneity and excitement were what kept couples connected, but it's truly the routine and continuity that set the foundation for making family relationships thrive," Wang says. "Whether it was a couple sitting down at the end of the day with a cup of coffee or parents reading a bedtime story to their children, these little moments are what make family life so comforting and kept couples close." Sometimes, the mad-dash moments seem to define our days, but "it's only when we find moments to slow down that we can fully appreciate those everyday moments that make a family," Saxbe says. "I remember watching a mom kissing her son and tucking him into bed. The son responded, 'I want another kiss, Mommy!' So the mom kissed him again. They repeated this five or six times — it was so sweet! Watching this made me appreciate how lucky I am to have a family I care about and how I how important it is to cherish these little moments of love when they come along."
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Waiting for Superman? Not so Much.
"Waiting for Superman" presents a very biased view of education and charter schools. A colleague presented this article to me which shows a more neutral explanation of what's happening in education and what "Waiting for Superman" is not showing us.
Ordinarily, documentaries about education attract little attention, and seldom, if ever, reach neighborhood movie theaters. Davis Guggenheim’s Waiting for “Superman” is different. It arrived in late September with the biggest publicity splash I have ever seen for a documentary. Not only was it the subject of major stories in Time and New York, but it was featured twice on The Oprah Winfrey Show and was the centerpiece of several days of programming by NBC, including an interview with President Obama.
Two other films expounding the same arguments—The Lottery and The Cartel—were released in the late spring, but they received far less attention than Guggenheim’s film. His reputation as the director of the Academy Award–winning An Inconvenient Truth, about global warming, contributed to the anticipation surrounding Waiting for “Superman,” but the media frenzy suggested something more. Guggenheim presents the popularized version of an account of American public education that is promoted by some of the nation’s most powerful figures and institutions.
The message of these films has become alarmingly familiar: American public education is a failed enterprise. The problem is not money. Public schools already spend too much. Test scores are low because there are so many bad teachers, whose jobs are protected by powerful unions. Students drop out because the schools fail them, but they could accomplish practically anything if they were saved from bad teachers. They would get higher test scores if schools could fire more bad teachers and pay more to good ones. The only hope for the future of our society, especially for poor black and Hispanic children, is escape from public schools, especially to charter schools, which are mostly funded by the government but controlled by private organizations, many of them operating to make a profit.
The Cartel maintains that we must not only create more charter schools, but provide vouchers so that children can flee incompetent public schools and attend private schools. There, we are led to believe, teachers will be caring and highly skilled (unlike the lazy dullards in public schools); the schools will have high expectations and test scores will soar; and all children will succeed academically, regardless of their circumstances. The Lottery echoes the main story line of Waiting for “Superman”: it is about children who are desperate to avoid the New York City public schools and eager to win a spot in a shiny new charter school in Harlem.
The movie asserts a central thesis in today’s school reform discussion: the idea that teachers are the most important factor determining student achievement. But this proposition is false. Hanushek has released studies showing that teacher quality accounts for about 7.5–10 percent of student test score gains. Several other high-quality analyses echo this finding, and while estimates vary a bit, there is a relative consensus: teachers statistically account for around 10–20 percent of achievement outcomes. Teachers are the most important factor within schools.
But the same body of research shows that nonschool factors matter even more than teachers. According to University of Washington economist Dan Goldhaber, about 60 percent of achievement is explained by nonschool factors, such as family income. So while teachers are the most important factor within schools, their effects pale in comparison with those of students’ backgrounds, families, and other factors beyond the control of schools and teachers. Teachers can have a profound effect on students, but it would be foolish to believe that teachers alone can undo the damage caused by poverty and its associated burdens.
Guggenheim skirts the issue of poverty by showing only families that are intact and dedicated to helping their children succeed. One of the children he follows is raised by a doting grandmother; two have single mothers who are relentless in seeking better education for them; two of them live with a mother and father. Nothing is said about children whose families are not available, for whatever reason, to support them, or about children who are homeless, or children with special needs. Nor is there any reference to the many charter schools that enroll disproportionately small numbers of children who are English-language learners or have disabilities.
The film never acknowledges that charter schools were created mainly at the instigation of Albert Shanker, the president of the American Federation of Teachers from 1974 to 1997. Shanker had the idea in 1988 that a group of public school teachers would ask their colleagues for permission to create a small school that would focus on the neediest students, those who had dropped out and those who were disengaged from school and likely to drop out. He sold the idea as a way to open schools that would collaborate with public schools and help motivate disengaged students. In 1993, Shanker turned against the charter school idea when he realized that for-profit organizations saw it as a business opportunity and were advancing an agenda of school privatization. Michelle Rhee gained her teaching experience in Baltimore as an employee of Education Alternatives, Inc., one of the first of the for-profit operations.
It bears mentioning that nations with high-performing school systems—whether Korea, Singapore, Finland, or Japan—have succeeded not by privatizing their schools or closing those with low scores, but by strengthening the education profession. They also have less poverty than we do. Fewer than 5 percent of children in Finland live in poverty, as compared to 20 percent in the United States. Those who insist that poverty doesn’t matter, that only teachers matter, prefer to ignore such contrasts.
If we are serious about improving our schools, we will take steps to improve our teacher force, as Finland and other nations have done. That would mean better screening to select the best candidates, higher salaries, better support and mentoring systems, and better working conditions. Guggenheim complains that only one in 2,500 teachers loses his or her teaching certificate, but fails to mention that 50 percent of those who enter teaching leave within five years, mostly because of poor working conditions, lack of adequate resources, and the stress of dealing with difficult children and disrespectful parents. Some who leave “fire themselves”; others were fired before they got tenure. We should also insist that only highly experienced teachers become principals (the “head teacher” in the school), not retired businessmen and military personnel. Every school should have a curriculum that includes a full range of studies, not just basic skills. And if we really are intent on school improvement, we must reduce the appalling rates of child poverty that impede success in school and in life.
There is a clash of ideas occurring in education right now between those who believe that public education is not only a fundamental right but a vital public service, akin to the public provision of police, fire protection, parks, and public libraries, and those who believe that the private sector is always superior to the public sector. Waiting for “Superman” is a powerful weapon on behalf of those championing the “free market” and privatization. It raises important questions, but all of the answers it offers require a transfer of public funds to the private sector. The stock market crash of 2008 should suffice to remind us that the managers of the private sector do not have a monopoly on success.
Ordinarily, documentaries about education attract little attention, and seldom, if ever, reach neighborhood movie theaters. Davis Guggenheim’s Waiting for “Superman” is different. It arrived in late September with the biggest publicity splash I have ever seen for a documentary. Not only was it the subject of major stories in Time and New York, but it was featured twice on The Oprah Winfrey Show and was the centerpiece of several days of programming by NBC, including an interview with President Obama.
Two other films expounding the same arguments—The Lottery and The Cartel—were released in the late spring, but they received far less attention than Guggenheim’s film. His reputation as the director of the Academy Award–winning An Inconvenient Truth, about global warming, contributed to the anticipation surrounding Waiting for “Superman,” but the media frenzy suggested something more. Guggenheim presents the popularized version of an account of American public education that is promoted by some of the nation’s most powerful figures and institutions.
The message of these films has become alarmingly familiar: American public education is a failed enterprise. The problem is not money. Public schools already spend too much. Test scores are low because there are so many bad teachers, whose jobs are protected by powerful unions. Students drop out because the schools fail them, but they could accomplish practically anything if they were saved from bad teachers. They would get higher test scores if schools could fire more bad teachers and pay more to good ones. The only hope for the future of our society, especially for poor black and Hispanic children, is escape from public schools, especially to charter schools, which are mostly funded by the government but controlled by private organizations, many of them operating to make a profit.
The Cartel maintains that we must not only create more charter schools, but provide vouchers so that children can flee incompetent public schools and attend private schools. There, we are led to believe, teachers will be caring and highly skilled (unlike the lazy dullards in public schools); the schools will have high expectations and test scores will soar; and all children will succeed academically, regardless of their circumstances. The Lottery echoes the main story line of Waiting for “Superman”: it is about children who are desperate to avoid the New York City public schools and eager to win a spot in a shiny new charter school in Harlem.
The movie asserts a central thesis in today’s school reform discussion: the idea that teachers are the most important factor determining student achievement. But this proposition is false. Hanushek has released studies showing that teacher quality accounts for about 7.5–10 percent of student test score gains. Several other high-quality analyses echo this finding, and while estimates vary a bit, there is a relative consensus: teachers statistically account for around 10–20 percent of achievement outcomes. Teachers are the most important factor within schools.
But the same body of research shows that nonschool factors matter even more than teachers. According to University of Washington economist Dan Goldhaber, about 60 percent of achievement is explained by nonschool factors, such as family income. So while teachers are the most important factor within schools, their effects pale in comparison with those of students’ backgrounds, families, and other factors beyond the control of schools and teachers. Teachers can have a profound effect on students, but it would be foolish to believe that teachers alone can undo the damage caused by poverty and its associated burdens.
Guggenheim skirts the issue of poverty by showing only families that are intact and dedicated to helping their children succeed. One of the children he follows is raised by a doting grandmother; two have single mothers who are relentless in seeking better education for them; two of them live with a mother and father. Nothing is said about children whose families are not available, for whatever reason, to support them, or about children who are homeless, or children with special needs. Nor is there any reference to the many charter schools that enroll disproportionately small numbers of children who are English-language learners or have disabilities.
The film never acknowledges that charter schools were created mainly at the instigation of Albert Shanker, the president of the American Federation of Teachers from 1974 to 1997. Shanker had the idea in 1988 that a group of public school teachers would ask their colleagues for permission to create a small school that would focus on the neediest students, those who had dropped out and those who were disengaged from school and likely to drop out. He sold the idea as a way to open schools that would collaborate with public schools and help motivate disengaged students. In 1993, Shanker turned against the charter school idea when he realized that for-profit organizations saw it as a business opportunity and were advancing an agenda of school privatization. Michelle Rhee gained her teaching experience in Baltimore as an employee of Education Alternatives, Inc., one of the first of the for-profit operations.
It bears mentioning that nations with high-performing school systems—whether Korea, Singapore, Finland, or Japan—have succeeded not by privatizing their schools or closing those with low scores, but by strengthening the education profession. They also have less poverty than we do. Fewer than 5 percent of children in Finland live in poverty, as compared to 20 percent in the United States. Those who insist that poverty doesn’t matter, that only teachers matter, prefer to ignore such contrasts.
If we are serious about improving our schools, we will take steps to improve our teacher force, as Finland and other nations have done. That would mean better screening to select the best candidates, higher salaries, better support and mentoring systems, and better working conditions. Guggenheim complains that only one in 2,500 teachers loses his or her teaching certificate, but fails to mention that 50 percent of those who enter teaching leave within five years, mostly because of poor working conditions, lack of adequate resources, and the stress of dealing with difficult children and disrespectful parents. Some who leave “fire themselves”; others were fired before they got tenure. We should also insist that only highly experienced teachers become principals (the “head teacher” in the school), not retired businessmen and military personnel. Every school should have a curriculum that includes a full range of studies, not just basic skills. And if we really are intent on school improvement, we must reduce the appalling rates of child poverty that impede success in school and in life.
There is a clash of ideas occurring in education right now between those who believe that public education is not only a fundamental right but a vital public service, akin to the public provision of police, fire protection, parks, and public libraries, and those who believe that the private sector is always superior to the public sector. Waiting for “Superman” is a powerful weapon on behalf of those championing the “free market” and privatization. It raises important questions, but all of the answers it offers require a transfer of public funds to the private sector. The stock market crash of 2008 should suffice to remind us that the managers of the private sector do not have a monopoly on success.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Bill Gates - What I've Learned About Great Teachers
I found it interesting that Bill Gates learned "teachings hard." But says that teachers are not improving overtime. And after going over all these cool things he "taught" his kids, he didn't explain how he was going to modify these cool things for students who were ELL, RSP or SDC. How he plans to adjust his lesson in case of disruptions, lack of student materials (like pencils), daily procedures, and discipline. Or how schools were going to pay for all those wonderful field trips he took his own kids and how we are going to make sure all classrooms have access to the technology he found useful. And I'm not really sure how he came to the conclusion that it's the teachers who have gotten worse over time. He doesn't explain what research or observations he's made, other than to say the inner city kids are dropping out and it is a crisis.
I believe there are other parts to the education system that are being overlooked. Administrators (including district personel) and parents. Administrators control the money flow and create the community environment with their leadership. Parents are role models and are part of the educational process. I'm surprised that these documentaries and studies coming out lately only look at teachers. If a teacher had as much power as these videos and articles give them credit for, I think the education system would be a lot better off.
What I've Learned About Great Teachers | Parade.com
"In almost every area of human endeavor, the practice improves over time," says Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates. "That hasn't been the case for teaching." This month, Gates is sounding the alarm about public education in Waiting for "Superman," a new documentary from An Inconvenient Truth's Davis Guggenheim. "He has this amazing capacity to drill really, really deep," Guggenheim says of Gates. "He has an infectious curiosity." PARADE sat down with the software mogul turned philanthropist to talk about the movie, the American education system, and his own school days.
PARADE: Why did you decide to appear in Waiting for "Superman"?
BG: Our foundation has picked education as a priority in the United States, and we've spent over $4 billion on various projects. So when I heard that somebody who's done great documentaries was doing one on education, my interest was to share some thoughts and say, "Hey, don't get too depressed."
PARADE: Depressed? Do you think people will find the film pessimistic?
BG: Most people don't realize how bad the situation really has become. They think, Geez, if half the kids in the inner city were really dropping out, wouldn't somebody declare a crisis? The movie shows how bad the system is, and that's a downer. But you also see that there are great schools, and kids in the inner city can succeed. So that's a very hopeful thing.
PARADE: In the documentary, experts say there are too many bad teachers in America and not enough great ones. Why is that?
BG: Very little is invested in understanding great teaching. We've never had a meaningful evaluation system that identifies the dimensions of great teachers so we can transfer the skills to others. The Gates Foundation has learned that two questions can predict how much kids learn: "Does your teacher use class time well?" and, "When you're confused, does your teacher help you get straightened out?"
PARADE: As a student, did you have one teacher who really influenced you?
BG: I went to a public school through sixth grade, and being good at tests wasn't cool. Then my parents switched me to the Lakeside School [a private school in Seattle]. A teacher there, Mr. Anderson, was pairing people up by ability for a geography quiz, and he put me with this kid I didn't think was very clever. I thought, Wait, he thinks I'm the same as this kid? Man, oh, man, there's something wrong.
PARADE: How did you turn yourself into a different kind of student?
BG: When I was in eighth grade, I scored the best in the state on a math exam. After that, my math teacher let me go off and do independent study and computer stuff. I also became good at relating to adults. When I'd meet a teacher, I'd say, "Hey, tell me your 10 favorite books." I'd read them, and then I could talk to the teachers about something they knew a lot about.
PARADE: You and Melinda have three school-age kids. Are you involved in their education?
BG: Last year our family traveled for three months, and we did some home-schooling. I taught math and science. We went to the Large Hadron Collider, the giant particle accelerator in Switzerland. We went to a toilet-paper factory, a garbage dump, an aircraft carrier, and a coal plant. I also found great educational material on the Web, including short videos at Khanacademy.org.
PARADE: What did you learn from working with your kids?
BG: Teaching's hard! You need different skills: positive reinforcement, keeping students from getting bored, commanding their attention in a certain way. I'd be better at teaching the college-level stuff.
PARADE: Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, has criticized Waiting for "Superman" for focusing too much on charter schools as a solution. What do you think?
BG: She points out that, on average, charter schools don't do better than other public schools. She's right. But it's a strange point to make: "Hey, they're as bad as we are!" The fact is, we're failing those kids. Ms. Weingarten represents the teachers' union, but say there was a students' union. Might they ask that the dropout rate be lowered? Might they stay at the negotiating table until it was below 50%? We ought to ask kids whether they think the status quo is working.
Waiting for "Superman" has triggered a national debate about the quality of teachers in America. School districts from Washington, D.C., to Washington State are demanding more accountability from teachers, tying salaries to students' performance and firing educators who fail to make the grade.
But teachers -- and their unions -- are pushing back. They argue that struggling teachers should receive additional training, not a dismissal notice. They also contend that students' test scores don't accurately reflect teachers' skills.
"If we measure teachers or students by standardization alone, we're left with a culture of sameness that creates mediocrity -- not equality," says Sarah Brown Wessling, National Teacher of the Year.
I believe there are other parts to the education system that are being overlooked. Administrators (including district personel) and parents. Administrators control the money flow and create the community environment with their leadership. Parents are role models and are part of the educational process. I'm surprised that these documentaries and studies coming out lately only look at teachers. If a teacher had as much power as these videos and articles give them credit for, I think the education system would be a lot better off.
What I've Learned About Great Teachers | Parade.com
"In almost every area of human endeavor, the practice improves over time," says Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates. "That hasn't been the case for teaching." This month, Gates is sounding the alarm about public education in Waiting for "Superman," a new documentary from An Inconvenient Truth's Davis Guggenheim. "He has this amazing capacity to drill really, really deep," Guggenheim says of Gates. "He has an infectious curiosity." PARADE sat down with the software mogul turned philanthropist to talk about the movie, the American education system, and his own school days.
PARADE: Why did you decide to appear in Waiting for "Superman"?
BG: Our foundation has picked education as a priority in the United States, and we've spent over $4 billion on various projects. So when I heard that somebody who's done great documentaries was doing one on education, my interest was to share some thoughts and say, "Hey, don't get too depressed."
PARADE: Depressed? Do you think people will find the film pessimistic?
BG: Most people don't realize how bad the situation really has become. They think, Geez, if half the kids in the inner city were really dropping out, wouldn't somebody declare a crisis? The movie shows how bad the system is, and that's a downer. But you also see that there are great schools, and kids in the inner city can succeed. So that's a very hopeful thing.
PARADE: In the documentary, experts say there are too many bad teachers in America and not enough great ones. Why is that?
BG: Very little is invested in understanding great teaching. We've never had a meaningful evaluation system that identifies the dimensions of great teachers so we can transfer the skills to others. The Gates Foundation has learned that two questions can predict how much kids learn: "Does your teacher use class time well?" and, "When you're confused, does your teacher help you get straightened out?"
PARADE: As a student, did you have one teacher who really influenced you?
BG: I went to a public school through sixth grade, and being good at tests wasn't cool. Then my parents switched me to the Lakeside School [a private school in Seattle]. A teacher there, Mr. Anderson, was pairing people up by ability for a geography quiz, and he put me with this kid I didn't think was very clever. I thought, Wait, he thinks I'm the same as this kid? Man, oh, man, there's something wrong.
PARADE: How did you turn yourself into a different kind of student?
BG: When I was in eighth grade, I scored the best in the state on a math exam. After that, my math teacher let me go off and do independent study and computer stuff. I also became good at relating to adults. When I'd meet a teacher, I'd say, "Hey, tell me your 10 favorite books." I'd read them, and then I could talk to the teachers about something they knew a lot about.
PARADE: You and Melinda have three school-age kids. Are you involved in their education?
BG: Last year our family traveled for three months, and we did some home-schooling. I taught math and science. We went to the Large Hadron Collider, the giant particle accelerator in Switzerland. We went to a toilet-paper factory, a garbage dump, an aircraft carrier, and a coal plant. I also found great educational material on the Web, including short videos at Khanacademy.org.
PARADE: What did you learn from working with your kids?
BG: Teaching's hard! You need different skills: positive reinforcement, keeping students from getting bored, commanding their attention in a certain way. I'd be better at teaching the college-level stuff.
PARADE: Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, has criticized Waiting for "Superman" for focusing too much on charter schools as a solution. What do you think?
BG: She points out that, on average, charter schools don't do better than other public schools. She's right. But it's a strange point to make: "Hey, they're as bad as we are!" The fact is, we're failing those kids. Ms. Weingarten represents the teachers' union, but say there was a students' union. Might they ask that the dropout rate be lowered? Might they stay at the negotiating table until it was below 50%? We ought to ask kids whether they think the status quo is working.
Waiting for "Superman" has triggered a national debate about the quality of teachers in America. School districts from Washington, D.C., to Washington State are demanding more accountability from teachers, tying salaries to students' performance and firing educators who fail to make the grade.
But teachers -- and their unions -- are pushing back. They argue that struggling teachers should receive additional training, not a dismissal notice. They also contend that students' test scores don't accurately reflect teachers' skills.
"If we measure teachers or students by standardization alone, we're left with a culture of sameness that creates mediocrity -- not equality," says Sarah Brown Wessling, National Teacher of the Year.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
How You Can Sleep In
I think this article may save my life. I've never done well without sleep and this is helping us to deal with our 2 year old, 6am riser. Many baby articles and magazines deal with trying to get your baby to sleep through the night. But what about your toddler that does sleep through the night, they just wake up really early? This article has some great tips.
http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Health--Fitness/How-You-Can-Sleep-In
If you have a toddler in the family, like I do, chances are you're woken up way too early every morning, roused by the voice of a tiny child who's burning with energy and hungry to boot. And you probably already know that sound machines, room-darkening shades, and bedtime adjustments won't necessarily solve the problem. Young kids are wired to wake up with the sun.
Step 1: Teach Her About Time
The first things your child needs to learn are when it's okay to get out of bed and when it's okay to come wake you up.
By the numbers Put a digital clock in your child's room, then put masking tape over the minutes (so it's less confusing). Tell her, for example, that she can get out of bed and play quietly in her room once there's a 6 on the clock, but she can't leave the room until there's a 7. Too young to recognize numbers? Draw a picture of the right times on a folded index card and place it next to the clock so she can match them.
To a tune If telling time is too difficult, set an alarm clock to play the radio or your child's favorite CD at, say, 7 a.m., suggests Sarah Hansel, a mom in Eldridge, IA. When her 3-year-old twins wake her too early, she brings them back to their room, saying she'll see them when the music starts. "The first couple of times, they cried," she says, "but we stuck to it, and it only took a few days before they got it."
By the half-light Try putting a dim lamp on a timer, so it won't wake your child if she's sleeping. Or check out the Good Nite Lite (goodnitelite.com; $34.99), a product designed by a dad whose child kept getting up at 5 a.m. It glows like a sun when it's okay to get out of bed and like a moon when it's still nighttime.
Step 2: Keep Him Entertained
Some especially self-reliant children might be able to find ways to amuse themselves, but most will need a little inspiration.
Wake-up-time toys Fill a bin with quiet playthings, such as puzzles and sticker books, and rotate them so there's always something interesting. Explain to your child that these are "special morning toys" that he can play with only before he wakes you up. Then sneak into his room after he's asleep and leave the box waiting for him on the floor.
His own "play" list Make a digital recording of yourself reading your child's favorite stories or singing songs he loves, get an audiobook from the library, or pick up a podcast online. Then show him how to turn on the player himself.
A craft surprise On the weekends, Ridgewood, NJ, mom of four Nicki Bosch puts out the supplies for an easy-to-do craft project. "I tell them that when they wake up, there's going to be a super-secret project in the kitchen for them, and that they can surprise Mommy and Daddy with it once they're done," she says. "They're so excited about it that they go to bed happily the night before, and it affords us at least an extra hour of sleep."
Step 3: Start the Day (Without You)
Since mornings are often hectic anyway, motivate your kid to tackle some getting-ready tasks on her own.
Dressing up Pick out a few outfits that your child can put on herself, and set them out the night before. Tell her she can choose any outfit she wants, but she can't wake you until she's dressed (this will also save you getting-out-the-door time).
Chowing down If your child is usually ravenous when she rises, leave a "wake-up tray" in her room with a bowl of dry cereal and a juice box, as well as an activity to keep her busy.
Invite her in If you try all these strategies and she's still waking up too early, she just may not be ready. Instead, let your child come into your room and play quietly while you doze. Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry Solution book series, suggests creating a fort in your room by placing a blanket over some furniture, putting a few toys or books inside, and calling it her "morning nest." Got a TV in your room? Turn a fave show on low and let her cuddle up next to you.
And remember, on those days when you're desperate, you can always resort to pure, unadulterated bribery. Once when we knew we were going to have a particularly late night, we told our early-rising 2-year-old we'd give her ice cream for breakfast if she stayed in her room until 7 a.m. It worked!
Is Your Child Ready for Morning "Alone" Time?
Yes if...
* During the day, he can play quietly by himself for 20 to 40 minutes if you're on the computer, making dinner, or taking a shower.
* She understands it's okay to wake you if she gets hurt or something spills, but it's not okay to surprise you by cooking breakfast.
* He's able to wait for things, such as when you tell him he can have dessert in five minutes.
* She can follow multistep directions, and her preschool teacher or other caretaker describes her as a rule follower.
* He wants to do "big kid" things.
No if...
* He thinks it's funny to turn on the appliances or leave the house when you're not looking.
* She has separation issues and cries or gets anxious when you leave the room.
* He has trouble with self-control. If you tell him to eat his sandwich before his cookie, what will he do when you leave the room?
* She has trouble playing by herself.
* His preschool teacher or caretaker describes him as "demanding" or "mischievous."
But here's what you may not know: Just because your kid's awake doesn't mean you have to be. Experts say that, depending on their temperament and maturity level, many kids are able to fend for themselves in the morning, at least for a short time, by age 3. In fact, even some 2-year-olds can play quietly in their rooms. You've simply got to train them.
My sister-in-law, who has four children, has done just that. Her littlest ones, ages 4 and 2, know they can't leave their rooms until there's a 7 on the clock. Then they find bowls of dry cereal waiting on the kitchen table. Tiny stickers show them which buttons to press on the remote control to fire up their favorite movie. And Mom, blissfully, sleeps until 8 a.m.
To get to that point, you'll have to do a bit of work, and take some precautions. Most important, says Ari Brown, M.D., author of Toddler 411, before you start, ask yourself: Do I trust my child when my back is turned? Think about whether she always follows instructions - and so might be ready for a little more independence - or tends to get into mischief, in which case it might be best to wait. Make sure you childproof the area where your early bird will be, and that she understands it's okay to wake you in an emergency. Then let the training begin.
"Consistency is the main thing," advises Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D., a child psychologist in Norwalk, CT, and author of A Parent's Guide to Getting Kids Out of the Family Bed. "Try it three or four times, and most kids will learn to love it."
The benefits, he adds, won't only be yours. "This is not just about Mom and Dad sleeping for another hour," Shapiro says. "It's about giving your child a chance to learn how to entertain himself, how to make breakfast. That's good for him."
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Tips for the Under-2 Crowd
If your baby is still in a crib, you obviously aren't going to be setting up morning craft projects. But there are a few things parents of tiny ones can do to get a little more shut-eye:
Don't rush to get her If your baby wakes up early and she's not crying, leave her in the crib, says Atlanta pediatrician Jennifer Shu, M.D. "She may drift back to sleep or at least entertain herself until it's a more reasonable hour."
Turn off the monitor Or at least turn it down. If he wakes and starts playing, you don't need to hear every coo and squeal. Unless your room is very far from your baby's, you're going to hear him when he really needs you.
Trade off with dad Why are you both losing sleep? Even if you can take turns only on weekends, that one morning of extra sleep can make a difference.
Find an early-morning sitter When you really need to catch up on your zzz's, ask Mom or another relative to spend the night and wake up with the kids. Or hire a sitter to arrive at 6 or 7 a.m., then go back to sleep for an hour or two.
Use clip-on crib toys... From simple plastic mirrors to elaborate activity centers, there are dozens of toys that attach securely to crib rails. "A musical toy with a button a baby can push over and over is great entertainment," says Dr. Shu. (Be sure to take down hanging mobiles, which can be dangerous once your child can sit up.)
...and inside-the-crib toys Once your child is 1, you can sneak in and leave a few age-appropriate toys inside the crib, Dr. Brown says, as long as they have no small pieces and your child can't stack them and climb out. Try soft blocks, a baby doll, or board books (great for reading and hurling over the rail). Rotate the toys so your baby will always have something new.
Put a playpen in your room If your baby isn't happy unless you're nearby, set up a play yard in your room and fill it with a few favorite toys. Practice during the day first, then once he's comfortable, try it in the morning - while you snooze a little longer.
http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Health--Fitness/How-You-Can-Sleep-In
If you have a toddler in the family, like I do, chances are you're woken up way too early every morning, roused by the voice of a tiny child who's burning with energy and hungry to boot. And you probably already know that sound machines, room-darkening shades, and bedtime adjustments won't necessarily solve the problem. Young kids are wired to wake up with the sun.
Step 1: Teach Her About Time
The first things your child needs to learn are when it's okay to get out of bed and when it's okay to come wake you up.
By the numbers Put a digital clock in your child's room, then put masking tape over the minutes (so it's less confusing). Tell her, for example, that she can get out of bed and play quietly in her room once there's a 6 on the clock, but she can't leave the room until there's a 7. Too young to recognize numbers? Draw a picture of the right times on a folded index card and place it next to the clock so she can match them.
To a tune If telling time is too difficult, set an alarm clock to play the radio or your child's favorite CD at, say, 7 a.m., suggests Sarah Hansel, a mom in Eldridge, IA. When her 3-year-old twins wake her too early, she brings them back to their room, saying she'll see them when the music starts. "The first couple of times, they cried," she says, "but we stuck to it, and it only took a few days before they got it."
By the half-light Try putting a dim lamp on a timer, so it won't wake your child if she's sleeping. Or check out the Good Nite Lite (goodnitelite.com; $34.99), a product designed by a dad whose child kept getting up at 5 a.m. It glows like a sun when it's okay to get out of bed and like a moon when it's still nighttime.
Step 2: Keep Him Entertained
Some especially self-reliant children might be able to find ways to amuse themselves, but most will need a little inspiration.
Wake-up-time toys Fill a bin with quiet playthings, such as puzzles and sticker books, and rotate them so there's always something interesting. Explain to your child that these are "special morning toys" that he can play with only before he wakes you up. Then sneak into his room after he's asleep and leave the box waiting for him on the floor.
His own "play" list Make a digital recording of yourself reading your child's favorite stories or singing songs he loves, get an audiobook from the library, or pick up a podcast online. Then show him how to turn on the player himself.
A craft surprise On the weekends, Ridgewood, NJ, mom of four Nicki Bosch puts out the supplies for an easy-to-do craft project. "I tell them that when they wake up, there's going to be a super-secret project in the kitchen for them, and that they can surprise Mommy and Daddy with it once they're done," she says. "They're so excited about it that they go to bed happily the night before, and it affords us at least an extra hour of sleep."
Step 3: Start the Day (Without You)
Since mornings are often hectic anyway, motivate your kid to tackle some getting-ready tasks on her own.
Dressing up Pick out a few outfits that your child can put on herself, and set them out the night before. Tell her she can choose any outfit she wants, but she can't wake you until she's dressed (this will also save you getting-out-the-door time).
Chowing down If your child is usually ravenous when she rises, leave a "wake-up tray" in her room with a bowl of dry cereal and a juice box, as well as an activity to keep her busy.
Invite her in If you try all these strategies and she's still waking up too early, she just may not be ready. Instead, let your child come into your room and play quietly while you doze. Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry Solution book series, suggests creating a fort in your room by placing a blanket over some furniture, putting a few toys or books inside, and calling it her "morning nest." Got a TV in your room? Turn a fave show on low and let her cuddle up next to you.
And remember, on those days when you're desperate, you can always resort to pure, unadulterated bribery. Once when we knew we were going to have a particularly late night, we told our early-rising 2-year-old we'd give her ice cream for breakfast if she stayed in her room until 7 a.m. It worked!
Is Your Child Ready for Morning "Alone" Time?
Yes if...
* During the day, he can play quietly by himself for 20 to 40 minutes if you're on the computer, making dinner, or taking a shower.
* She understands it's okay to wake you if she gets hurt or something spills, but it's not okay to surprise you by cooking breakfast.
* He's able to wait for things, such as when you tell him he can have dessert in five minutes.
* She can follow multistep directions, and her preschool teacher or other caretaker describes her as a rule follower.
* He wants to do "big kid" things.
No if...
* He thinks it's funny to turn on the appliances or leave the house when you're not looking.
* She has separation issues and cries or gets anxious when you leave the room.
* He has trouble with self-control. If you tell him to eat his sandwich before his cookie, what will he do when you leave the room?
* She has trouble playing by herself.
* His preschool teacher or caretaker describes him as "demanding" or "mischievous."
But here's what you may not know: Just because your kid's awake doesn't mean you have to be. Experts say that, depending on their temperament and maturity level, many kids are able to fend for themselves in the morning, at least for a short time, by age 3. In fact, even some 2-year-olds can play quietly in their rooms. You've simply got to train them.
My sister-in-law, who has four children, has done just that. Her littlest ones, ages 4 and 2, know they can't leave their rooms until there's a 7 on the clock. Then they find bowls of dry cereal waiting on the kitchen table. Tiny stickers show them which buttons to press on the remote control to fire up their favorite movie. And Mom, blissfully, sleeps until 8 a.m.
To get to that point, you'll have to do a bit of work, and take some precautions. Most important, says Ari Brown, M.D., author of Toddler 411, before you start, ask yourself: Do I trust my child when my back is turned? Think about whether she always follows instructions - and so might be ready for a little more independence - or tends to get into mischief, in which case it might be best to wait. Make sure you childproof the area where your early bird will be, and that she understands it's okay to wake you in an emergency. Then let the training begin.
"Consistency is the main thing," advises Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D., a child psychologist in Norwalk, CT, and author of A Parent's Guide to Getting Kids Out of the Family Bed. "Try it three or four times, and most kids will learn to love it."
The benefits, he adds, won't only be yours. "This is not just about Mom and Dad sleeping for another hour," Shapiro says. "It's about giving your child a chance to learn how to entertain himself, how to make breakfast. That's good for him."
24Share
Tips for the Under-2 Crowd
If your baby is still in a crib, you obviously aren't going to be setting up morning craft projects. But there are a few things parents of tiny ones can do to get a little more shut-eye:
Don't rush to get her If your baby wakes up early and she's not crying, leave her in the crib, says Atlanta pediatrician Jennifer Shu, M.D. "She may drift back to sleep or at least entertain herself until it's a more reasonable hour."
Turn off the monitor Or at least turn it down. If he wakes and starts playing, you don't need to hear every coo and squeal. Unless your room is very far from your baby's, you're going to hear him when he really needs you.
Trade off with dad Why are you both losing sleep? Even if you can take turns only on weekends, that one morning of extra sleep can make a difference.
Find an early-morning sitter When you really need to catch up on your zzz's, ask Mom or another relative to spend the night and wake up with the kids. Or hire a sitter to arrive at 6 or 7 a.m., then go back to sleep for an hour or two.
Use clip-on crib toys... From simple plastic mirrors to elaborate activity centers, there are dozens of toys that attach securely to crib rails. "A musical toy with a button a baby can push over and over is great entertainment," says Dr. Shu. (Be sure to take down hanging mobiles, which can be dangerous once your child can sit up.)
...and inside-the-crib toys Once your child is 1, you can sneak in and leave a few age-appropriate toys inside the crib, Dr. Brown says, as long as they have no small pieces and your child can't stack them and climb out. Try soft blocks, a baby doll, or board books (great for reading and hurling over the rail). Rotate the toys so your baby will always have something new.
Put a playpen in your room If your baby isn't happy unless you're nearby, set up a play yard in your room and fill it with a few favorite toys. Practice during the day first, then once he's comfortable, try it in the morning - while you snooze a little longer.
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